The Ramblings of a Twenty-Something

Hello, all. It has ben entirely too long since my last post, and for that I am sorry. Things have been pretty crazy in my life lately, and I've had a rough time sorting through it all. I know, I know... That's no excuse for not posting. Either way, I'm sorry.

Apologies.

So the past few weeks have made me wonder. God has a will and a plan, right? As followers of God, we should do our best to follow the road map, right? Of course. And if we stay in line with the plan, then things are peachy. And if we don't, we're...

Screwed?

Forever?

And then once we get to that state of screwed-ness, we have to bust our little tail to get back on the road. Follow the plan. Get back in the game. And until we do, we're...

Screwed?

The problem is, how do we know when we're off? Out of the plan? That's a tricky question. High school Bible class taught me that I should follow the peace of God at all times. Whatever I have peace doing, I should do.

I really don't have a peace about paying that traffic ticket I got last week...

Anyway, some things feel better than others. I feel good about grad school. I feel good about my living situation. I think God has lined things up right there, that I'm where I'm supposed to be. It's a great feeling.

Last week felt like hell. Therefore, we can conclude that last week, I was out of God's plan, right?

Wrong.

So what happened? If I'm in God's will, shouldn't life be all about gumdrops, marshmallows, fuzzy towels, Christmas Day, applesauce cake, wicked sweet guitars, and anything and everything else that makes me happy? If it is, then I really got gypped.

Man. What's Heaven's Customer Service number? I need to register a complaint...

So where did we get this idea? That trying to serve God as best as we can, follow his will as best as we can, and be good little Christians means we get to live happy, perfect lives? It sounds good. It's a great idea. In fact, it's an awesome idea. There's just one problem.

I can't find it in the Bible.

The Scriptures lead me to believe that life won't be perfect. As far as I have read, they don't mention applesauce cake once. However, they also lead me to believe that whatever I go through, God is there with me. Sometimes we feel God more than at other times. Sometimes, we have no doubt that God is standing right next to us. On the other side of that coin, sometimes we have no doubt that he isn't.

So then. Is what I feel an accurate indicator of whether or not I'm in the will of God? While they can help, I don't think it should all be based on feelings. Sometimes being in the will of God means that we buckle up, burrow down, bite the bullet, get some bruises, and be where we don't want to be.

But God wants us there... So that means that sometimes, being exactly where I'm supposed to be means that it will feel like I'm supposed to be somewhere else.

Which drives us crazy. Here we go, pulling out the road map of our lives, trying to figure out where exactly we left the Stairway to Heaven and jumped on the Highway to Hell (because that's what it feels like). Where did we go wrong? How do we make it right?

Yes, it is possible to be in the wrong. To be out of God's will. And when you are, you'll find out about it. He's that kind of God. But sometimes, we're not supposed to look at the roadmap of life. We're supposed to look at the face of God. And when we do, we don't find out the next five highways we're supposed to be on, what exits we're supposed to take, and when we need to take a break to use the restroom. When we look at God's face, we get the strength for another day. Sometimes we get more. Sometimes that's all we get.

But we never get any less.

The last month has been hell. But in the last three days, things have flown together. I know that things are right. And about that period of time when I didn't feel that way? Things were moving into place. I just needed to be patient. It takes time for things to come together. Time takes time.

"Time after sometime..."

Anyway. That gives me hope. I can't see the destination. All I can see is the journey. But that's all I need to see right now.

So that's okay.