Too Many Friends...

Somewhere between the Drillers game and the Dilbert game tonight, I came upon a realization. (While I was eating a Kudo bar. Those things inspire realization.) I've got too many friends and I can't keep them all happy.

Take tonight for instance. Earlier in the week, I had set up plans to play Dilbert with friends from church. The going-away party for the China team was tonight. A friend was playing a concert in BA. My LifeGroup wanted to move our next meeting to tonight. Another friend's birthday was tonight and plans were in the works for a Drillers game.

Count 'em, people! 5 things all asking for my time on a Friday. Dilbert had some priority because it was the first thing planned. Going-away party had to sit on the back burner. Concert in BA was nixed because I didn't hear about it until this morning. LifeGroup was shot down because I already had plans, though I said they could meet without me. I carved out the first half of my evening before Dilbert and made plans to hang out with them at Drillers Stadium, at least for a while.

I stood up and walked out of Drillers Stadium with the shouts of my friends telling me to sit back down ringing in my ears. At least the Dilbert people didn't bug me for being late.

I counted today; 73 days before I hit the road for school. 20 before I leave for Colorado. 29 until I return from Colorado. Roughly 40 days between Colorado and Wilmore. At this point, every moment with friends counts. So many friends... Old friends that I haven't seen in a while that I want to see one more time before I go. Friends that have been in the trenches with me for the past several years. Friends from church that are my coworkers, but my buddies as well. And a few random people that don't really fit into any of these categories.

I want to see them all.

But I can't!! Damn it, I can't. In my efforts, some people will get ignored so I can see others. It's inevitable. There's nothing I can do about that. I have to make some relationships suffer to keep up with others. It's a sick game, and I just can't win.

So how will things be when I leave? Will I have a myriad of almost-friends? Will I have a tight circle of good, close friends? Does it even matter?

I feel like I'm trying to hang onto a fistful of sand... It's all slowly slipping away, and the harder I squeeze the more grains fall out. Eventually, I'll just look at where a pile used to be and see a few grains remaining... I suppose that's inevitable.

I don't want to let my friends go... Just a few weeks back, I wrote a post begging them to hang on to me. What do you do? I don't know...


I can't. I just can't.