A Small Glimpse of Love...

Over the course of the past few weeks, I have had the most oddly profound thing happen to me. A couple of months ago, a wonderful girl and I started dating. It was an amazing time. Positive emotions all around. And then this thing of beauty ended. I don't regret the experience at all. A wonderful month with a wonderful girl. However, breakups mean pain. Loss. Grief. And through a process I don't understand, these things have taken on a beauty of their own. I don't wish to block these things out. They are part of the experience of life. They add depth; they bring a certain sincerity, a marked wholeness to life that would not be there otherwise. I choose to walk through these things, knowing that these things are not to be avoided, but instead experienced and lived. Just as much as any happy experience. It's all necessary; happiness would be meaningless without sadness to make it great. There would be no healing in sadness if happiness could not come out of it.

So that's where I am. Thus is the backstory for what you're about to read.

The concept of love has always been a foreign one to me. It never made sense. I knew it was something awesome, but I couldn't tell you what it felt like. I had no idea what it meant to love my neighbor, much less the Creator of the universe. I could serve my neighbor; I could jump in front of traffic for my neighbor, but did I love my neighbor?

Nyehh, couldn't tell ya. Same thing with God.

Until recently... I may have a clue now. When I was dating this marvelous young lady, it was my honor and privilege to do things for her. Open the door for her. Have a rose sitting at her place at the table on Valentine's Day. Slip chocolate bars in her book bag when she wasn't looking. Sit with her in silence when she didn't want to say a word. Pick up the phone in the wee hours of the morning when she needed someone to talk to. Take time out of my day, every day, just to see her and let her know that I cared about her. If she had asked, I would have done anything. Grabbed a calendar and some scissors and made Spring come tomorrow. Bought her a sleepy, fuzzy puppy to pet while she did her studies. I would have spun the world on my finger like a basketball if it would have made her day better.

And she was worth it. All of it. Why? Because she was my girl. It wasn't my duty to do those things. It was my honor. My joy. There was nothing else I'd rather be doing than making her day better. She meant that much to me.

And maybe... Just maybe...

We mean that much to God.

Maybe even more. God does spin the earth like a basketball. He paints the skies every day. He gave me everything that I have; nothing did not come from Him. If there is any reason that I had a good day, it's because God made it so. If there is any reason that I did not stop dead in my tracks today, it's because God kept me walking.

"Jesus Christ, what more could He have done for you?"

He has done everything. And He can do more. Not because of anything I've done, or anything I will do. Because He loves me that much. Because I'm his kid.

Because He said so.

It's hard to explain... God is giving himself to us all the time. He wants to. He desires a relationship. Every day, he pulls out all the stops of the universe just for us. He doesn't have to.

He wants to.

Maybe this is a part of what love is. I'm not sure I've done love justice in this post. I'm not even sure if I've done God justice in these paragraphs. But I do know that God loves me and shows me in ways beyond my imagination.

If you want to stop reading here, you've got my permission. Go have a cookie or something. No hard feelings; see ya next time.

This is a poem/song I wrote when this realization hit. It's not the greatest thing ever, but it captured the moment. Maybe you can pull something out of it too.

I painted the sky today
Every shade of white and blue
And sent a light breeze on its way
Just so I could touch you
I spun the earth and placed the stars
And pulled the moon a little bit closer
So when the sun falls, falling star
The night would be perfect and last forever

All these things I'd do for you
My favorite, my only
So much more if you'd ask me to
My beautiful, my lovely
I am yours

Everything around us here
What can I do for you?
Anything you ask, my dear
Because it's my pleasure to
Pick up the phone at 2AM
Listen to your heart cry
Race to you as fast as I can
Hold you; you are mine

If I had one second left
To do anything I wished
I would spend my dying breath
Just to let you know
I am yours

4-16-07