Ether-Electrified Musings...

Church and Christmas

2012-01-04T09:36:00.000-08:00

This year, churches found themselves facing an interesting situation: Christmas fell on a Sunday. Church leadership this year had to wrestle with the question of what to do with traditional Sunday worship gatherings. On one hand, the possibility existed that many families would be traveling or would want to spend the full day enjoying their own private celebration of the holiday, thus reducing church attendance. On the other hand, many grappled with the fact that Christmas is and should be seen primarily as a spiritual, religious holiday. This issue should not be mistakenly seen as a cut-and-dry simplistic matter; but, unfortunately, the question falls easily into cut-and-dry language: "Should we cancel church on Sunday?"

Perhaps the popular approach wound up with churches presenting some form of modified, consolidated, and relaxed worship opportunity on Christmas Day; many churches also opted for Christmas Eve celebrations in lieu of Christmas Day gatherings. This type of middle-ground response presents a best-of-both-worlds option: a worship opportunity for those who desire to gather, while the change in scheduling allows for a more relaxed, low-key day.

However, this response should be seen for what it is: a compromise. While many do embrace this (indeed, many friends told me that the special service their church offered had higher attendance than a normal service), this approach cannot please all. Many feel that churches should offer their full complement of gatherings on that day, being that Christmas is second only to Easter in importance on the church calendar. Why should the church compromise or cancel on such a day? If the holiday is primarily a spiritual celebration, as many hold, then why would churches even consider abbreviating, much less canceling, gatherings on that day?

Also, it may be that the compromise still does not compromise enough; many regular attendees might not be able to attend, due to family plans and travel. As a friend of mine pointed out, this does not mean that worship is not taking place; it just is not taking place "corporately." If churches offered their full schedule, would people show up? No pastor wants to preach to empty pews, much less on Christmas.

Ironically (though naturally, if one observes the calendar) New Year's Day also fell on a Sunday. Churches were faced with the same questions, though to a lesser degree. Would people attend? Should the church "make space" for outside celebrations? How does the church itself celebrate?

An insightful WSJ article by David Gibson delicately notes the difficulty embedded in the issue: "...It's...self-defeating to complain about keeping Christmas holy when churches close on Dec. 25." Another blog I read (I cannot seem to find it again, otherwise I would link to it), written from an atheist perspective, blasted Christians for all the noise we make about the increasing secularization and commercialization of the Christmas season if churches are only going to cancel their services anyway.

Ouch.

As noted above, the issue at hand is both deeper and wider than that. However, this stark perspective casts the matter in a different light. If we as believers are bemoaning the "spiritual decline" of the world in which we live, the answer cannot be taking a break from seeing and interacting with the world in ways that recognize the spiritual significance of what we do. Rather, we should seek to foster and embrace heaven meeting earth in what ways we can - and to celebrate corporately when we can as well! Rather than seeing Christmas (and New Year's Day) this year as a hindrance, Christian communities should be rushing forward to embrace the grand opportunity they have this year - the opportunity to celebrate these special days with their Christian brothers and sisters in corporate worship. What better days to be in church than on the days when we celebrate Christ's birth and the coming of a new year?

Tim Tennent, president of Asbury Theological Seminary, pulled no punches when he said the following on Twitter: "Churches canceling Christmas a.m. services is not a sign of being pro-family, it's a sign of spiritual malaise." A spiritual holiday is worth celebrating spiritually! We would not dream of cutting corners like this with Easter; then why do we with Christmas? In future years, let us embrace our freedom of worship by rolling out of bed, bundling up the family, and making it a point to celebrate Christ with our Christian family when the opportunity presents itself.

12/31/2011 Sermon Manuscript

2012-01-04T08:01:00.000-08:00

This is the manuscript from my most recent sermon, given at Emmaus Road Church December 31st, 2011.

I. Introduction - Good evening, Emmaus Road! How is everyone? This week puts us squarely in the middle of the 12 Days of Christmas, so if you needed a reason to eat more awesome food, have more awesome celebrations, etc., then you’re in luck. In this next week, we will flip the page on the church calendar and jump into Epiphany. This season marks the coming of the Magi to Jesus (which we’ll read a bit about tonight) and invites us to explore the implications of Christ’s birth. When you read the Gospels, you find that sometimes they tell the same story different ways; this is because the Gospel writers were aiming at different audiences and so told the story in such a way to emphasize their specific point to their specific audience. For example, we’ve read out of Luke lately; we’ve seen what the birth of Christ meant for the poor, the ignored and downtrodden, and for the speaks of these themes because he is trying to show Jesus as Healer and Savior of the Gentiles. Matthew takes a slightly different approach, because his audience is different; Matthew is writing to Jews to convince them that Jesus is the long-awaited Messiah, and so he is going to tell his story in such a way that helps us to see Jesus as a prophet, leader, and deliverer like Moses; he’s also going to try to help us see Jesus as a king, a king of the lineage of David; the only family line that even has the right to claim the throne of Israel. So when we read from Matthew 2 tonight, we’re going to be seeing things from the perspective of Kingdom. We’re going read about the Kingdom of Heaven coming to Earth as a baby; we’re also going to see what Herod the Great does to oppose the coming of the Kingdom of Heaven. Matthew tells us of somewhat of a chess match between Herod and Heaven. But for us to appreciate the story a bit more, we’re going to need some background on Herod himself.

II.Body A.Herod the Great - Herod the Great was quite a man. He was the son of an Idumean

adventurer turned politician who played power games with the both the Jews and the Romans; and when his father died, Herod found himself in a position to step in as Rome’s appointed ruler for the area. He was a gifted politician and engineer, and made sure to appease as many people as he could while ruthlessly consolidating his power and playing with his own pet building projects. He was a half-Jew who walked an interesting line with his faith - he set up many tributes to the Emperor of Rome to make sure he stayed in Rome’s good graces. He adopted many Greek ideals of society so that people could feel comfortable in his town, which didn’t make the Jews happy - but to take care of them, he rebuilt the temple in magnificent fashion. As he was an engineer, he did a swell job - some of the walls are still standing. He quarried stones that were 40 feet long, 10 feet tall, and 10 feet wide - as big as a school bus! The stonework was so precise that even though the stones were so large, some of the walls that are still standing, one cannot get the blade of a knife between them even though no mortar was used. He installed aqueducts, indoor plumbing, and many other conveniences. He built palaces for himself all over his territory. One time, he decided to have a palace fortress on top of a mountain - only there was no mountain there. So, he built one. It’s called the Herodium, and still stands today. However, he was a paranoid and ruthless man. He had tens of wives and scores of children and grandchildren, so he lived in constant fear of conspiracies to take the throne. He was not above assassinating his own wives and children to consolidate his power, and people lived in the constant fear that these changes caused. Because he was so afraid, Herod got from Rome the special right to choose his own successor - normally the Empire would - and then after he got this right, he rewrote his will six times before he died because he was afraid of so many people. He tried to come across as a great benefactor and innovator, but

people feared him and did not like him. He knew this, and knew that people would not mourn his passing. So, he gave standing orders for many beloved Jewish officials to be assassinated the day that he died so that there would be mourning when he died. This is Herod the Great; this is who’s in charge when the Kingdom of Heaven arrives in the form of a baby. Let’s look at Matthew.

B.Text - The story actually begins at Matthew 1.18. We’ll be starting here tonight and reading up through the end of chapter 2. Along the way, we’ll look at how Matthew tells the story; we’ll look at the little clues that he gives us as to how we are to see Jesus. He quotes plenty of prophecies to make his point. We’ll look at the exciting way that Heaven comes to Earth. We’ll also look at how Heaven and Herod go toe-to-toe over the next few verses. Let’s read.

1. “This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. Joseph, her fiancé, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly. As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. “Joseph, son of David,” the angel said, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” All of this occurred to fulfill the Lord’s message through his prophet: “Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’” When Joseph woke up, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded and took Mary as his wife. But he did not have sexual relations with her until her son was born. And Joseph named him Jesus.”

a)Interpretation - Here, we have the birth story. It’s told from Joseph’s perspective rather than Mary’s.

(1)Right in the beginning, Matthew tells us that Jesus, this baby, is going to be Israel’s deliverer. He’s going to be the Messiah, the Anointed One.

(2)We see Heaven and Earth rubbing shoulders here in some remarkable ways. The first way is that Mary became pregnant by the power of the Holy Spirit. Not exactly something that happens every day... But it’s a head-scratcher for sure, so Joseph’s trying to figure out what to do. An angel appears to him in a dream - another sure sign that Heaven is coming to Earth.

(3)The angel addresses Joseph as a “son of David;” this means that Joseph is a descendant of King David. This means that Jesus is a legitimate heir to the throne of King David - something that Herod is not. Remember, Herod came in from the outside. He gained his power through political luck and cunning; he may sit on the throne, but it’s not his throne to sit on. The throne belongs to the baby; that’s what Matthew is saying. He’s a deliverer; he’s a king. Right away, Matthew is telling us that there’s a new king in town.

(4)Matthew is quoting from Isaiah 7 here. This establishes that Jesus’ birth is part of the same story of Jewish history; it’s not a new story, but rather, it is the same story moving along. Remember, Matthew is trying to prove to Jews that Jesus is the Messiah. He’s saying, “This is your king! The one you’ve been waiting for!”

2. But there’s another king around, and he’s not going to let another king just cut in on him. Not even a baby king. Let’s keep reading. “Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea,

during the reign of King Herod. About that time some wise men from eastern lands arrived in Jerusalem, asking, “Where is the newborn king of the Jews? We saw his star as it rose, and we have come to worship him.” King Herod was deeply disturbed when he heard this, as was everyone in Jerusalem. He called a meeting of the leading priests and teachers of religious law and asked, “Where is the Messiah supposed to be born?” “In Bethlehem in Judea,” they said, “for this is what the prophet wrote: ‘And you, O Bethlehem in the land of Judah, are not least among the ruling cities of Judah, for a ruler will come from you who will be the shepherd for my people Israel.’” Then Herod called for a private meeting with the wise men, and he learned from them the time when the star first appeared. Then he told them, “Go to Bethlehem and search carefully for the child. And when you find him, come back and tell me so that I can go and worship him, too!” After this interview the wise men went their way. And the star they had seen in the east guided them to Bethlehem. It went ahead of them and stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were filled with joy! They entered the house and saw the child with his mother, Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasure chests and gave him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. When it was time to leave, they returned to their own country by another route, for God had warned them in a dream not to return to Herod.”

a)Interpretation - Lots of stuff going on here... (1)Right in the beginning, Matthew tells us who the other king is. Herod the

Great. From other sources, it’s probably a good guess that some time passes

here - maybe about 2 years or so. (2)Magi - And then the Magi show up. This is a group of mysterious people that

we don’t really know much about. We can make some guesses, though. They were likely Persians. They were probably court officials, similar to Obama’s cabinet members. They were not Jews, though they may have been familiar with Jewish ways and scripture; likely, they were Zoroastrians. Around that time, it was believed by many that strange occurrences in the sky foretold changes in regime and power, and so these men studied the heavens in order to be up on what was happening. Interesting fact: This is the only place in the Bible that Magi are mentioned favorably. Daniel and other Jews, when in exile, deal with the Persian king’s court magicians: his Magi. Later on, in Acts, a sorcerer called Simon Magus tries to purchase the power of the Holy Spirit. In Greek, these men are all Magi. And so, Magi are not looked upon favorably; and yet, these foreigners, these shady magicians, come to worship the true king. They saw the sign in the skies, and knew something was up.

(3)So they come to Jerusalem (where the king should be, right?) and begin asking around for the newborn King of the Jews. These guys act sort of naive; we can imagine that they ask for the KoJ, and they eventually they get back to Herod who says, “Yes, you were looking for me?” And they politely say, “Oh, no. We were looking for the other one. The one who has just been born.” And Herod goes into paranoid mode. This is another conspiracy he’s got to fight off. So he decides to keep them around for a few days while he figures out what’s going on.

(4)So he’s scared, and the rest of the city is too, because who knows what kind of havoc Herod is going to unleash in order to consolidate his power yet again. So he calls the scribes and the priests - remember, he’s a Jew because it’s politically advantageous, not because he’s faithful. He doesn’t know the law and prophets, and so he has to call people together to tell him. So he does, and they quote Micah 5.1-3 to him, and Herod finds out the location of his usurper - ground zero of the conspiracy he’s imagining. He calls the Magi back to get more information, and he discovered from them exactly when the star appeared - and now he’s got an age of the child.

(5)So Herod, the master strategist, essentially tries to use the Magi as his pawns - they will go to Bethlehem, find out the exact location of the child, and then report back to Herod. Herod told the Magi that he wanted this information so that he could worship the Messiah as a Jew, but it’s far more likely that he’ll kill the child and the child’s family for good measure. So the Magi depart.

(6)And then something happens - the star reappears! It was in the sky long enough to get them to Jerusalem - but now it comes back, much to their great joy, and directs them precisely and exactly to where Mary and Joseph are living. The Kingdom of Heaven is at work again.

(7)They enter the house and find Mary and Jesus. They worship him, and give him kingly gifts. This whole scene is loaded with imagery. They are Gentiles, coming to worship - the Magi, the Gentiles, the outsiders have been led by the Kingdom of Heaven to recognize and worship the true king - something that Herod could not see. They bring kingly gifts - gold, frankincense, and myrrh. A Jew familiar with the family history would have instantly thought of when the Queen of Sheba came to Solomon and brought many gifts. Matthew’s message comes through loud and clear - this child is a king, and not just King of the Jews - the King of all.

(8)The Kingdom of Heaven steps in again - God warns the Magi not to go back to Herod, not even to stop in Jerusalem on the way. Interesting thing - the Magi don’t seem to be good at playing Herod’s political games, but for Gentiles, they sure know how to hear from God.

3. Well, let’s keep reading. “After the wise men were gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. “Get up! Flee to Egypt with the child and his mother,” the angel said. “Stay there until I tell you to return, because Herod is going to search for the child to kill him.” That night Joseph left for Egypt with the child and Mary, his mother, and they stayed there until Herod’s death. This fulfilled what the Lord had spoken through the prophet: “I called my Son out of Egypt.”

a)Interpretation - (1)Heaven again intervenes - The Magi bought some time by going another way,

but not much. Jerusalem and Bethlehem are close; even on foot, you could get from one to the other and back in a day. Herod is waiting, but he won’t wait long. Mary and Joseph have to get out of Dodge, and an angel gives them instructions to head out of Herod’s jurisdiction, over to Egypt.

(2)To put the icing on the cake, Matthew reminds us of Hosea 11.1, which brings to mind another deliverer that came out of Egypt - Moses. Matthew tells us

again and again - this is your Messiah. Just like Moses delivered your ancestors,

Jesus will deliver you. 4. But Herod’s no dummy. “Herod was furious when he realized that the wise men had

outwitted him. He sent soldiers to kill all the boys in and around Bethlehem who were two years old and under, based on the wise men’s report of the star’s first appearance. Herod’s brutal action fulfilled what God had spoken through the prophet Jeremiah: “A cry was heard in Ramah - weeping and great mourning. Rachel weeps for her children, refusing to be comforted, for they are dead.”

a) Interpretation

(1)In a desperate attempt to kill Jesus, Herod acts on the information he has - remember, he has an age and he has a place. So, in an act that history has come to know as “The Slaughter of the Innocents,” he kills all the boys in Bethlehem two years old and younger. Matthew uses this event to tell us who Herod is - again, a Jew who knew the family history would have picked up on this. There was another king who ordered the wholesale slaughter of baby boys - Pharaoh, before Moses was born. Just as Moses was supernaturally protected and delivered to be the deliverer, so is Jesus. Matthew is again telling us - Jesus is the new Moses, and Herod is the new Pharaoh, the one who opposes God’s acts.

(2)Matthew also shows us something else - he quotes Jeremiah 31.15 here, showing that even Herod, despite his best efforts, is playing Heaven’s game - not the other way around. Matthew continues to tell his Jewish audience, “Yes, this is your story, but it’s growing - it will be the story of the redemption of the world.”

5. Well, let’s go ahead and close out the chapter. “When Herod died, an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt. “Get up!” the angel said. “Take the child and his mother back to the land of Israel, because those who were trying to kill the child are dead.” So Joseph got up and returned to the land of Israel with Jesus and his mother. But when he learned that the new ruler of Judea was Herod’s son Archelaus, he was afraid to go there. Then, after being warned in a dream, he left for the region of Galilee. So the family went and lived in a town called Nazareth. This fulfilled what the prophets had said: “He will be called a Nazarene.””

a)Interpretation - (1)So maybe Herod thought that he had won, but he went on to play other games

of political intrigue - and after he dies, the Kingdom of Heaven is still on the

move. An angel tells Joseph that it’s safe to return, so they do. (2)Heaven continues to direct Joseph - some of Herod’s family were still around.

Archelaus was just as paranoid as his daddy, but didn’t have anywhere near as much political skill - Herod was sneaky about how he handled conspiracies, but Archelaus just killed people outright. He killed so many that eventually Rome stepped in, deposed him, and put the area under direct Roman control.

(3)Either way, Joseph and the family are not heading there; so they go to Nazareth. According to Luke 1.26, Nazareth was Mary’s hometown. Matthew was probably quoting a different tradition here that is not included in our scriptures, but his point is clear: this is all happening according to plan.

C. The Kingdom of Heaven - So what kind of a king is Jesus? Matthew 4.23 tells us about this. When Jesus began his ministry in Galilee: “Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and curing

every disease and every sickness among the people.” This is what the Kingdom of Heaven looks like. Here’s an interesting study for you: take some time, grab a pen, and go through the Gospel of Matthew. Underline and study the verses where the phrase “Kingdom of Heaven” shows up; you’ll find that there are many. Matthew is telling us about the Kingdom while he’s telling us about the King. In the beginning of the gospel, we learned a great deal about what the Kingdom of Herod is about. But what about the Kingdom of Heaven? What does Matthew tell us?

1. The nearness of the Kingdom of Heaven means that we repent. (4.17). Sin keeps us from God. It’s difficult to be a citizen of God’s Kingdom on Earth when we create distance between us and him by habits, actions, and attitudes. Repentance means that we, through the Holy Spirit working in us, acknowledge that have sinned; that we are living in an improper relationship to God. Repentance also means that we, again, by the power of the Holy Spirit, reject and leave this flawed way of living behind. We often like to cover our sin, disguising it with euphemisms so that it doesn’t sound so bad; but if we can’t take sin seriously, we can’t take forgiveness seriously. Forgiveness is a big deal in the Kingdom of Heaven; but if we do not see our need to draw closer to God and live in proper relationship with Him and others, forgiveness doesn’t mean much to us.

2. The Kingdom is good news. (4.23) While repentance is necessary, there is more to the Kingdom than that - and this “more” is good news. Such a contrast to Herod’s kingdom, which so often meant bad news for those living under his rule.

3. The Kingdom welcomes the poor, the persecuted, the sick, and the lonely. (Beatitudes) Another contrast with Herod’s kingdom - His kingdom often persecuted people, and then kicked them to the curb.

4. The Kingdom of Heaven is not exclusive. Jew, Gentile, doesn’t matter. Slave or slaveowner, doesn’t matter. Sick or healed, doesn’t matter. Come on in. Herod’s kingdom didn’t do this - you had to be elite and constantly making sure you stayed in Herod’s good graces.

5. It is worth selling all that you own for the sake of the Kingdom. The Kingdom is greater than the pursuit of possessions and power - yet Herod was on a constant quest to maintain as much power as he could. (ch. 13)

6. Must be like a child. How unlike Herod - who ruthlessly slaughtered children. (19.23) 7. It doesn’t belong to those who have it all figured out, the religious elite (21). Rather, it belongs to those who do the work of the Kingdom - those who spread the Kingdom

whenever and wherever they can. 8. It’s a place of mercy, where mercy is the rule and not the exception. What a difference

from Herod’s kingdom. D.Us and the Kingdom - So what does this mean for us? Well, the kingdom often passes

away with the king. However, the spirit of Herod’s kingdom still exists in the world. We don’t have to look far to see tales of oppression, power grabbing, and injustice. He has passed, but many in the world today are trying to live and succeed according to the rules of his kingdom. Read the news. Oftentimes, we may find ourselves operating according to the rules of Herod’s kingdom; society and culture encourage us in these things. However, the Kingdom of Heaven stands opposed. Matthew’s Gospel tells us about the Kingdom of Heaven and it’s King, and then ends with this: Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all

the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Jesus has the authority of the Kingdom, and he commands us to do the work of the Kingdom. Jesus’ kingdom does not pass away, because Jesus is risen, and he lives. In Acts 1.8, he commands us to go and be his witnesses in the power of the Holy Spirit.

III. Conclusion - So a baby has been born. What do we do now? This child, this king, invites us into his kingdom and then commands us to bring his kingdom to others. But many times, it doesn’t feel so simple. We may not feel that we’re worthy of his kingdom. Maybe we’re struggling with repenting of sins that separate us from God. Many things challenge our entry into Christ’s kingdom. But also, we may struggle with being an ambassador of the Kingdom. God doesn’t want to use a person like me. My past cannot be overcome. The fear is too great. I have no talents. Could be anything. In closing tonight, we’re going to take some time to pray. During this prayer, I’d like to us to think about these things. Do you feel that there’s a struggle in entering the Kingdom of Heaven? Or perhaps serving in it? During the prayer, there will be a time for us to silently name our struggle before God and ask for his help. After the prayer, we’ll take communion together, as we always do; this is the food of the kingdom, which sustains our souls. Let’s pray.

Thinking About: THE SEVEN STOREY MOUNTAIN

2011-12-10T12:59:00.001-08:00

This past week saw me complete Thomas Merton's early autobiography, The Seven Storey Mountain. As an author, mystic, and theologian, Merton caught my interest during my time in seminary. One of my New Testament professors, Dr. M. Robert Mulholland, Jr., frequently referenced Merton's ideas pertaining to spiritual growth and development as regarding one's "false self" and "true self." This contact birthed a desire in me to explore these ideas further.

Since that time, I have not studied Merton as closely as I would like. In Kentucky, I had the opportunity to visit Gethsemani Abbey (the Trappist community where Merton resided) a couple of times; I have also read Merton's work, Contemplative Prayer, which I found simultaneously enlightening and baffling. During one of his classes, Dr. Mulholland led us through Merton's Opening the Bible, which I would heartily recommend to anyone who desires to study Scripture. I am also currently meandering through James Finley's Merton's Palace of Nowhere, which distills several of Merton's main ideas. I have found my brief experience with the works of Merton to be positive and look forward to continuing them.

The Seven Story Mountain was first published in 1948. In it, Merton explores his own life, freely revisiting his past experiences from his childhood to his first days at Our Lady of Gethsemani Abbey. Born in France, he grew up in Bermuda and England before attending college at Cambridge, then moving to the United States to finish his undergraduate work at Columbia. After simultaneously doing graduate work and pursuing a place within the Franciscan order, he finally settled down for a bit teaching English at St. Bonaventure. Experiences there reawakened his desire to pursue the priesthood, and prior positive encounters with Trappists drew him to that order.

Spiritually, Merton followed a winding road to his destination as a Trappist. Raised within a Protestant household, he rejected his spiritual upbringing in favor of a self-centered way of life. His account references his early college years in which he pursued drink, lively music, and carnal experiences. As he grew older, he began to find himself gradually attracted to the faith. Merton reveals his struggle with his own redemption as he relives his trials and battles with ill health, vocational uncertainty, and the ghosts of his own past; he also shares his relief and joy upon entering the monastery, as well as his experiences in the novitiate.

Personally, I found much to relate to within Merton's account. The wandering about while seeking one's vocation, the spiritual uncertainty as one strives to discover one's purpose, and the problems that ill health presents in these things all struck chords within me. I found myself also identifying with Merton's style of sharing pivotal life moments, experiences that served to direct his next steps; his experiences made me think of my own. Reading his redemption gives me hope for myself and others, that God is at work in our lives just as much as he was in Merton's.

I believe that those who read The Seven Storey Mountain will be able to find parallel experiences within their own lives as they hear Merton sharing his life with them. Reading this book proved to be both challenging and rewarding for me, and I recommend it without hesitation for both of these reasons. A brief note: the position of the writer is unapologetically Catholic in a pre-Vatican II world. Some sentiments come across as anti-Protestant, and many concepts and ideas are foreign to Protestants (praying to saints, the priestly hierarchy, etc.). If coming from a Protestant perspective, it is helpful to have an open and willing mind to embrace one's story told from an unfamiliar background when reading this work. That being said, Protestants would do well to explore the stories and beliefs of their Catholic brothers and sisters; The Seven Storey Mountain presents an ideal opportunity to do so.

The Pony Express Brought You Something...

2011-09-22T09:35:00.001-07:00

...And that something is a newsletter from me. Aren't you excited? On to the bullet points that I love so much!

I'm still dating the aforementioned Ginger, and she's even more awesome than I thought she was before. We both moved back to our hometowns after graduation, so most of our relationship has been of the long-distance variety thus far. It presents a set of challenges, but we've grown through them and I find myself incredibly grateful every day that she's my girlfriend. We've been able to hop on some planes through the summer and visit each other's homes, meet families, etc. I continue to be amazed by her and am excited for what the future holds.
In my last post, I spoke too soon regarding my doctoral acceptance status. The Toronto School of Theology (Wycliffe) sent me a late acceptance letter, notifying me that they accepted me to their Theological Studies Ph.D. program. Due to some concerns, I requested and received a deferral of enrollment; should I choose to attend this program, they'll hold my spot until September of 2012.
I also began a blog devoted to my more theological thoughts. The bulk of the content up there is a devotional series that I wrote for the season of Lent this past year. Posts since then have been sporadic, but I will kick off another devotional series soon. Check it out: The Continuum of Grace.
I mentioned that I would be returning to Tulsa in my previous update, which I have done. Emmaus Road Church (formerly Saturday Night Community Church) was able to pull me on in a part-time capacity as an assistant pastor. It has been wonderful to re-engage this community of believers that is near to my heart and to start doing life with them. Though it's only a part-time gig at present, I'm excited about what God is doing in the community and have high hopes for the future.
Aside from Emmaus Road Church, this has become a season of rest for me. I graduated from ATS in May with an M.Div. and a slew of medical problems brought on by chronic exhaustion. My parents have been kind enough to take me back into their home. (Remember when I said I wouldn't go back? Yeah, I lied.) I've been seeing some doctors and making a more devoted effort to take care of myself. The past few months have been helpful in that area, and I feel better now physically than I have in a long time. Part of my struggle is that I have often equated rest with laziness; this attitude was partially what got me into trouble. Family and friends alike have been wonderful during this time, supporting me in what is a much-needed time of restoration and healing. Plans for the future remain decidedly fuzzy in light of this. I could pursue an expanded role at the church or head off to Canada for my Ph.D., or perhaps other options will present themselves. There's also a wonderful girl in Delaware that I'd like to be a bit closer to, and that thought factors into these considerations. All in all, I'm in a great place now; the best I've been in for a long time. I'm excited to see what God does next.

Ginger had the opportunity to flip through several of my old blog entries a few days ago, and she and I had a discussion about the window that they provided on my life. It's interesting; since my posts have been rather sporadic and come from many transition periods of my life, so much has changed in the time that I've had this blog. I remember many of the places and frames of mind that I was in when I wrote them. I've changed a lot as a person, no question; and yet, there are some things that remain constant. My sense of awe at the world in which I live, for instance. The creative longings that exist within me. My snarky sense of humor. (Sorry about that last one... You all may have to put up with that for a while.) In some ways, who we are changes as time goes on; in others, it remains. I'd be curious to know: in which ways have you noticed these changes and constants within yourself?

Sermon from 9/17/2011

2011-09-22T09:13:00.000-07:00

Hey, all! I apologize for the blatant neglect of this blog. I'm going to provide a post here shortly. However, to tide you over until then, here's a transcript of my sermon given regarding a few of the sacraments at Emmaus Road Church on September 17th, 2011. Enjoy; feel free to comment!

Introduction

Greeting/Further Announcements
Passing of the Peace

Body

Recap

The Primary Sacrament, Jesus Christ - The last time I was with you, we began a series on sacraments. Together we started to explore some of the thinking and ideas behind sacramental theology. When we think about sacraments, many things may come to mind. Particular things that we do within the church here, such as communion. Maybe some ideas from other Christian traditions that may seem odd and foreign. Some people have attempted to define a “sacrament” as: “An earthly symbol that expresses a heavenly reality.” That definition is true, as far as it goes. However, when we think about sacraments, we think of Heaven and Earth colliding in a new, special, and profound way. We think of “thin spaces,” where Heaven and Earth communicate in ways that we have not felt before, where we experience the physical and the spiritual with an inexplicable level of intensity. An experience where somehow the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, where, as Frederick Buechner says, “One plus one equals a thousand;” an experience where God meets us as we are. When we think of God meeting us, we think of Jesus Christ; the one who walked on this ground, breathed this air, and lived as a person among us. We think of Jesus Christ, who heals our sicknesses and forgives our sins. We look to Jesus; one plus one equals a thousand. In Jesus, Heaven and Earth met in such a way that all who interacted with Jesus found themselves facing something radically different, something that could not be explained. One plus one equals a thousand. When we think of sacraments, we must think of Jesus Christ first and foremost. He is the one who bridges the gap; he is the one we look to and call upon so that we experience salvation. Any other sacramental experience that we have takes place because of Jesus Christ; he is the primary sacrament.
Defining Terms - When we talk about sacraments, I’d like us to expand our thinking a bit. Seven sacraments have been accepted by established churches, and we’ll speak a bit more about those in a bit. However, I would like to call us to live sacramental lives. Sue has a blog entitled, “The Sacrament of the Ordinary Life.” I really appreciate this title because it affirms where heaven should meet earth for us; in everyday life. I firmly believe that God desires to share our lives with us, to be present in the ordinary moments of our ordinary days. He’s punching holes in the sky from the top down so that He can be with us, if only we would look up and see Him. That’s what a sacramental life is about: allowing God to be present in every moment of our life, and expecting Him to show up. One of my favorite quotes is from an author who went by the name Novalis: “He who seeks God will find Him everywhere.”
Looking - So part of our challenge becomes our seeking. Seeking more often; seeking in different ways. If we have misplaced something, we often don’t find it until we look in a place where we did not expect it to be. That’s part of what this series is about; to look at some things that may be unfamiliar so that we can take fresh eyes to see God into our ordinary, everyday lives.
Sacraments - Last time that I was with you, we spoke about Jesus as the perfect sacrament, the first sacraments, the sacrament that all others point back to. The Catholic tradition recognizes seven sacraments: Communion, Baptism, Marriage, Ordination, Confirmation, Reconciliation, and Anointing of the Sick. Protestants, which is where we fall on the family tree, only recognize two: Communion and Baptism. Over the next few times that I am with you, we’ll be looking at each one of these. I think it’s important to look at all of these, especially in our study, because we are trying to open up and widen our understanding of looking for God at work in the world. In this discussion, we would be remiss not to consider several ways that tradition suggests. Some of these may not be familiar to us, so we’ll be pulling from lots of places in our study: from the Church Fathers, as well as from the Catholic, Anglican, and Orthodox churches as well. A couple of disclaimers:

These are deep waters and heavy issues. It is not too much to say that some of the great wars of history have been fought over sacramental theology. There are many differing opinions and ideas about these, and I recognize that. In discussing these things with you, I have barely tried to scratch the surface so that we can get an idea of what practice and tradition have said about these things. If you have disagreement, or wish to study these further, I invite you to do so, by all means.
Secondly, I am not saying that we here at Emmaus Road are going to begin observing all of these. Preston and I are not going to be setting up a confessional booth and waiting for you guys to swing by. We have no interest in that. However, we do want to expand our ways of thinking about God at work in the world and in our lives. And so, I simply want to bring these to your attention. Tradition and theologians have affirmed that grace can be found by participating in these things; by looking at them, we can gain new eyes to see God at work in the world and participate in that, wherever we might be. Some of these ideas may sound odd; some of them may be challenging. The point is for us to gain greater perspective to see how God works. We’ll do this by looking at the sacrament from the perspective of Scripture. We will look at what the sacrament affirms in the life of the Christian and also talk about what it means for us. This week, we will look at three sacraments: Confirmation, Anointing of the Sick, and Reconciliation.

Confirmation

Tradition - Of the seven sacraments that we will look at, this one has the most ambiguity. Traditionally, the church has affirmed that after one accepts Christ and is baptized, the sacrament of Confirmation opens the door for the person to receive the Holy Spirit in a fuller and greater measure through the laying on of hands. People have differed as to how much and why this takes place; some denominations also incorporate church membership and education into confirmation. However, traditionally, it refers to Christians receiving the Holy Spirit in a greater way than they did at baptism.
Scripture - The Scripture often associated with this sacrament is Acts 8.14-17: “When the apostles in Jerusalem heard that the people of Samaria had accepted God’s message, they sent Peter and John there. As soon as they arrived, they prayed for these new believers to receive the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit had not yet come upon any of them, for they had only been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. Then Peter and John laid their hands upon these believers, and they received the Holy Spirit.” So what we see happening here is that people have already been baptized, but had not received the Holy Spirit yet. Then, in a second act of grace, they receive the Holy Spirit. However, this is not a clear-cut case from Scripture. Several others, including St. Paul himself, receive the Holy Spirit before their baptisms. So, when we read the Bible, we see that there is some ambiguity here. However, we would do well to remember tradition and other church thought here as well. Some of us have visited more charismatic/Pentecostal churches. We remember that some of them have an emphasis on being “filled with the Holy Spirit” as some kind of a second act of grace; these traditions would affirm that beyond your initial conversion, there remains an additional aspect of God that remains for the believer to engage. While these groups likely would not refer to this belief as the “Sacrament of Confirmation,” the parallel does exist.
Affirmations - Here, we may want to be careful. If Scripture and tradition affirm anything for us, both say that we should not put God in a box. We believe that when you accept Christ, you are 100% accepted, 100% forgiven, and 100% welcomed into God’s Kingdom. God desires to give you more than you are capable of accepting; he desires to welcome you, heal you, restore you, bring you into his kingdom, and use you for his glory. However, when you first make a decision to follow Christ, you might not be ready for all that. This is what the Sacrament of Confirmation affirms for us: that as we grow and mature as believers, we grow closer to God and God to us and we are able to experience more and more of God in our lives as we progress.

Change of Character - One of the traditional statements about confirmation is that the believer experiences a change of character as a result of having received the sacrament. One of the things that our faith affirms is that Christians grow as they walk in faith. I think it’s interesting that Luke 2.52 tells us that Jesus, as a person, “grew in wisdom, and stature, and favor with God and man.” I think it’s interesting that Jesus grew as a person. He was educated in the ways of his time and culture, and he grew physically and mentally. And God Almighty and the people around Jesus saw this growth and were impressed. If Jesus experienced growth, shouldn’t we expect to experience it as well once we accept him as our Savior? God wants to work in you - to take the tired, hurting, and confused person and make you a strong, vibrant, and healed person. God wants to rework your DNA as a person. We’ve heard the saying, “God loves us just as we are, but he loves us too much to let us stay there.” Some people experience a quick change of character, while others experience this change more as a journey. Part of what our study is about is to encourage you to experience God’s acts of grace in your life. God will use a second act of grace. And a third. And a fourth. That is how God deals with us. This sacrament encourages us to receive these acts of grace.
Increase of Grace - Traditionally, this sacrament also opens the door for a marked increase of grace in the life of the believer. Part of the experience of the Christian life is to experience an increase of grace. To help us understand grace, let’s take a look at Titus 2.11-14: “For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people. And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God, while we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be revealed. He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds.” We remember Jesus Christ, and we see that he is grace given to us. Grace brings us salvation; we are forgiven of our sins and made God’s people in the world. We can live in our daily lives and expect to have wisdom and righteousness as we remain devoted to God and we look forward to when Jesus returns to set all the wrongs right. He came once to make us clean and holy, to free us from our sins. Because of this, we are his people who do good in the world. This is the gospel; this is grace. God offers us as much as we can receive. But as we move forward and grow in the Christian life, we become able to receive more. As we seek God and his grace to live in righteousness and devotion, we become able to receive more grace for this same purpose. We should also note that if we reject God’s assistance, help, and encouragement in our lives, we limit our ability to receive it. Grace works by multiplication: if we decide against God’s work in our lives, God will not be able to work as much. However, if we accept his grace, more grace becomes available to us. The purpose of this shower of grace is mentioned above as well: “to be totally committed to doing good deeds.” We anticipate Jesus’ return, when God’s Kingdom will be made complete and whole once and for all; but until He does return, bringing about God’s kingdom on earth is our job.

Emmaus Road Church - Here at Emmaus Road Church, we affirm that God uses a second act of grace to allow us to experience the Holy Spirit so that our character may be changed, so that we may experience an increase of grace in our lives and use the gifts that he has given us. And God uses a third act of grace. And God uses a fourth act of grace. God offers us as many acts of grace as it takes on this journey to make us into his person who brings about his kingdom in the world.

Anointing of the Sick

Tradition - This refers to a sacrament in which an ill person could call for priests and receive anointing with oil and prayer for healing. This has also been called the sacrament of Extreme Unction. It used to be connected with repentance as well as physical healing, and became for a time associated with Last Rites - in fact, some people would not receive this sacrament until they were on their deathbed because they did not want to sin after they had received it. However, different schools of thought have developed since then. The sacrament does not apply to only to those who are on their deathbed or those who are suffering from terminal illnesses. One may request it if they are suffering from the common cold; children are also able to receive it, as long as they are able to appreciate and understand what is taking place. It does not only apply to physical illnesses, but also to mental difficulties as well. It exemplifies God’s physical redemptive work in his church - the grace that God gives to heal his people. Some people request this sacrament to aid in forgiveness as well, or to receive spiritual strengthening.
Scripture - There are two main scriptures used to affirm this sacrament, and we will look at both of them.

The first is Mark 6.7-13: “And he called his twelve disciples together and began sending them out two by two, giving them authority to cast out evil spirits. He told them to take nothing for their journey except a walking stick—no food, no traveler’s bag, no money. He allowed them to wear sandals but not to take a change of clothes. “Wherever you go,” he said, “stay in the same house until you leave town. But if any place refuses to welcome you or listen to you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.” So the disciples went out, telling everyone they met to repent of their sins and turn to God. And they cast out many demons and healed many sick people, anointing them with olive oil.” So here, we see Jesus giving authority to his disciples to cast evil spirits out of people, so that the afflicted people would experience relief. The apostles did just that, casting spirits out, healing people, and anointing people with oil.
Let’s look at the next scripture, James 5.14-17: “Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well. And if you have committed any sins, you will be forgiven. Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” In this text, James, the brother of Jesus, is instructing his audience to do these things. If one feels ill, he or she may call for the elders to receive prayer and anointing. We also see James address forgiveness here as well, which is how this particular sacrament became associated with forgiveness of sins as well as physical healing. Of the seven sacraments that we will look at while I am with you, we can find that the early church employed this one. It is interesting to note that physical recovery was expected after a sick person received this sacrament.
Oil - I’d like to take a moment and discuss the significance of oil within this sacrament. When we discuss sacraments, we look for physical things to help us experience heaven: in the sacrament of Confirmation, it is the laying on of hands. In this sacrament of Anointing of the Sick, it is the oil. In Biblical times, oil had a lot of significance for a number of reasons. In the area of physical health and treatment of illness, oil was used in a number of ways. Externally, it was used as part of the dressing and bandaging of wounds. It was also used to treat internal issues, such as ulcers and intestinal problems. Even today, in some Mediterranean areas, one can find mothers still telling their children to take a spoonful of olive oil every day. And so, oil is a symbol that is strongly connected with healing. When we receive this, we are anointed with oil that points us to the healing power of Christ. We are reminded of Christ’s healing ministry and his desire to heal us, and the oil is a physical, tangible thing that helps us experience healing from Christ.

Affirmations - As Christians, the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick affirms many things for us.

At a most basic level, it affirms that God is interested in our lives and desires healing for us. Though to some Christians, this may seem like common sense, it can be difficult to remember at times, especially if we are struggling with a chronic illness. This sacrament, if nothing else, serves as a reminder that God does desire our healing and wants us to be whole. The difficulty with this is that often, we do not experience healing in the way that we thought it would happen. We stay sick long after healing has been prayed for. We asked God to remove the pain, take away the burden, and yet it remains. Even if we feel that this is our experience, I want to encourage you to seek God’s grace in the midst of your difficulty. Do not give up on looking for grace! We may find it in places we least expected it.
Another thing that this sacrament affirms for us is a connection between our mind, spirit, and body. It is interesting to note that as people have continued to ponder this sacrament, it has come to include mental and emotional distresses as well as physical. Paired with the association on forgiveness, we begin to see a “whole person” scope in this sacrament. How many of us have had distressing experiences that left us physically ill? Or what about an unresolved conflict that we could not forgive or be forgiven that eats at us and causes bodily distress? Sometimes, we do not experience pain simply because of physical causes. Relational issues, matters of lifestyle, emotional states, and other things can cause difficulties in us that lead to physical problems. This sacrament reminds us to seek healing in not just our bodies, but healing in every single way that we can have it - emotional healing, mental healing, spiritual healing, relational healing, as well as physical healing. When we say that God desires us to be whole, we don’t mean just that God wants our bodies to work OK. God desires our relationships to be healthy. He wants our past hurts and wounds to be made well. He desires for our conflicts to be resolved. He wants us to be a person of peace. This sacrament affirms that.
Also, this sacrament tells us that we can look for grace in the midst of our weakness. Let’s stop and ponder that for a second. When we find ourselves battling a particular infirmity or issue, we may feel abandoned in that moment. I’m not feeling well; where is God? This sacrament tells us that God desires to give us grace in our moments of brokenness, just as much as when all is well with the world. This sacrament tells us that God does not turn our back on us when we feel that the world is falling to pieces; rather, in those moments, it is best to look for grace. God desires to help us in those situations.

Emmaus Road Church - Here at Emmaus Road Church, we desire to experience God’s healing and wholeness. There’s a prayer journal where you can request prayer for anything. If you want, you can contact our pastoral team and we will be happy to pray for you. I’d also like to point out that helping our community move toward wholeness is not just a job for the pastors; rather, it is a job for the community as a whole. We’re all in this together; if a member of our community is hurting, then we need to rally around that person as a community and help them. We are all on the path to healing and wholeness together. Traditionally, when someone calls for this sacrament, not just one minister shows up. Usually, it’s several. Healing takes place within community; inside the community of God we find Christ’s healing power for us.

Reconciliation - This has also been known as Confession or Penance.

Tradition - The sacrament of Reconciliation takes place when one, feeling true sorrow for his or her sins, goes to a priest to confess the sins with the intentions of making amends. The priest, through the power of God and the authority of the Church, proclaims forgiveness for the mentioned sins and also gives instructions on how proper amends are to be made. The one confessing experiences forgiveness and removal of guilt, which brings about a true reconciliation of the believer with God and, it is to be hoped, with other people. The tangible, physical aspect of this is the penitent going to the priest and naming the committed sins and the priest ministering forgiveness for those. This sacrament points us back to Jesus in that true restoration of the proper relationship between humankind and God only comes through the work of Christ and his sacrifice on the Cross. It also points us back to the power that Jesus vested in the church to be an active part of this.

Controversy - Some of the hottest debates have come between Catholics and Protestants on this topic. One may ask the question, “Well, does God forgive sins or do people?” Some people will point out the authority given to the Church and say that even though forgiveness comes from God by the work of Jesus Christ, it can only come through the avenue of the Church. Others will say that forgiveness comes from God alone and can be received by his people in a variety of ways. I bring this up because I recognize the controversy. However, if hundreds of years of scholars and theologians spilling much ink over the centuries have not been able to resolve this for us, I do not think I will be able to clear it all up in the next few minutes. However, there are two main points that I wish us to be clear on that both sides agree on: 1) Forgiveness of sins comes from God alone and 2) People have the opportunity to play a significant role in the process.

Scripture: There are two main scriptures that are used in connection with this sacrament.

The first is John 20.21-23: “Again he said, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I am sending you.” Then he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone’s sins, they are forgiven. If you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”” This event takes place when Jesus appears to the Apostles after the Resurrection. They receive the Holy Spirit and then Jesus tells them that they play a role in the forgiveness of sins, the choice of choosing to forgive or not to forgive.
The second is a passage that we have already read this evening: James 5.14-17. We’ll read it again to refresh our memories: “Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well. And if you have committed any sins, you will be forgiven. Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” As noted earlier, there is a connection in this passage with forgiveness and healing. We also see that James desires his audience to confess their sins to other people so that they may be healed. The confession of sins to other people is emphasized.
Interpretation - It is nearly impossible to interpret these scriptures without stepping on someone’s toes somewhere. As I said earlier, we’re treading in deep waters. A more traditional view would hold that when one desires to confess sin, he or she must go to a priest within the established church who is within the Apostolic Succession, who then bestows forgiveness. Our church falls on the Protestant side of the family tree, and we typically hold that the command to confess our sins to each other allows us to do so not just to our elders, but also to anyone within the body of Christ. We would say that forgiveness comes from God alone, though people may play a significant role in that. Again, these are questions that we can’t resolve tonight. However, it’s important that we are aware.

Affirmations - This sacrament makes several affirmations that we should be aware of, however we choose to interpret these scriptures.

First, there is forgiveness available. It is the heart of God to be in relationship with people, his creation. He wants to be in relationship with you. One of the difficulties that we have as people is that we struggle to understand that God does love us and desire to have relationship with us. We can see ourselves and the things that we have done, and we do not see a way that God wants to love us. However, this sacrament affirms that God desires to have a relationship with us. He does desire the barriers of sin between us and Him to be broken down. There is forgiveness for you.
This sacrament also tells us that there are concrete repercussions to our actions. After hearing one’s confession, the priest would assign penance - concrete steps to bring about amends and restitution. If these steps were carried out with a truly grieving and penitent heart, they would play a key role in one’s forgiveness and reconciliation. This is a principle that we cannot ignore. For example, if I have an addiction to a harmful substance, I can confess my addiction and the harm that it causes to me and those around me all I want. However, until concrete steps are made to end the addiction, I am preventing myself from receiving the forgiveness that is available. And even then, a certain degree of damage may have been done that may be impossible to undo. My body may never be the same; my relationships may never be the same. Even though God will forgive me for abusing my body, I may have injured myself to the degree that I am not able to live the life that I desire. Even though my friends will forgive me for the wounds that I have caused, we may not be able to enjoy the close relationship that we once did. Preston has been preaching from the lectionary the past couple of weeks on forgiveness, and I think he makes an excellent point: there is complete forgiveness available, but there are repercussions. He brought up the Amish School Shooting in 2006 and the outpouring of forgiveness from the Amish community following that. The wounded community embraced the family of the gunman in an amazing example of what true forgiveness is. However, the wrongs could not be undone; many people died that day; others suffered severe injuries. Families are experiencing the loss of loved ones, and lives were forever changed. Unfortunately, in this world, these events cannot be undone. However, the great Christian hope is that when Jesus returns to fully bring about His kingdom, the wrongs will be made right. Full restoration will take place. The sacrament of reconciliation affirms this: that we, as the people of God with his Holy Spirit living in us, forgive, receive forgiveness, make amends and reconcile as best as we are able. And we look forward to Christ’s glorious return, when he completes the process and picks up the pieces that we are not able to.
This sacrament also affirms the role of people in God’s forgiveness. It is one thing to hold God’s forgiveness as a theological precept, but it can be difficult to accept forgiveness without tangible affirmation of that. By affirming the role of the community of the church in one’s forgiveness, we can receive tangible, concrete assurance that our sins ARE forgiven. Through the community of Christ, we can receive concrete help in not only receiving forgiveness but also forgiving others. Like we said with healing, forgiving is a community thing. We’re all in this together.

Emmaus Road Church - Here at Emmaus Road, we affirm that confession, making restoration, and forgiveness takes place within community. The power of God and the authority of Christ goes hand in hand with the church so that reconciliation can be a full process. We believe that God can forgive your sins even if you never darken the door of a church; but we also believe that this is not God’s complete design, for the church can and should play a valuable role in the forgiveness and healing process. Due to our nature as broken people, sometimes this means that boundaries need to be established; however, together, we share the hope of Christ’s return which will set all wrongs right.

Conclusion - Tonight, we have looked at Confirmation, Anointing of the Sick, and Reconciliation. The next time that I’m with you, we will discuss Marriage and Ordination. However, we must remember that when we think of the sacraments, we think first and foremost of Jesus. In Confirmation, we remember that even Jesus experienced growth as a person, and we look forward to God growing greater in our lives. In the Anointing of the Sick, we remember Jesus’ healing ministry and his desire for us to be made whole. In Reconciliation, we remember Jesus bringing salvation, forgiving our sins, and the key role that we as people are to play in that. We won’t be engaging these quite in the same way that other churches do, but by becoming more aware of them, we become more and more aware to the many ways and places and things that God uses to give us grace. This is what living sacramentally is all about: expectantly seeking for Christ and his power to come into your life, looking for concrete ways in which this happens, and being willing to be used by God in the same way.

A Big Deal... Or Two.

2011-04-16T18:35:00.000-07:00

Well, a couple of things have popped up since my last update... As my time at seminary draws to a close, I am looking toward the future with excitement and anticipation. Things haven't gone as I planned, but it's been a great experience. Here are a couple of things that I'm thrilled about.

First off, I have started dating a fantastic girl. Her name is Ginger. (And she does not have Facebook, so don't bother.) She's a wonderful girl who loves Jesus. She's graduating this May with a Master of Arts in Counseling. She's witty, smart, and funny. She plays guitar and sings like an angel. Oh, and she's beautiful. Have I said she's fantastic?

Secondly, my plans regarding further education are going to be put on hold. My Ph.D. applications have not come back positively; one school turned me down, another deferred me for "further review," and the third denied my application for their doctoral program but accepted me for their Th.M. instead. These were not the results I had hoped for, obviously. I've had health struggles for the past couple of years as well; by God's grace and good medical care I've been able to continue studies, but I'm hesitant to begin another degree before these issues are resolved. Bearing both of these things in mind, I'm going to return to Tulsa after graduation. I'm currently looking for a job as an adjunct or online faculty member; a ministry position would be a definite possibility as well. I would ask for your prayers for God's continued providence and peace regarding the future. I would like to pick up further studies later, but I do not feel comfortable beginning another degree at this time. I'm happy to return home and see friends and have fun times, and I'm excited to pursue possibilities in the Tulsa area. I don't see this as a step back, or even a step sideways; these are just the steps I'm taking. Life is good.

Oh, and I got a haircut today. That's kind of a big deal.

Lent

2011-03-08T09:57:00.000-08:00

Well, the season of Lent is upon us. Church seasons are always enlightening times; they challenge us to see our faith differently than we might otherwise. They also bind us together as a community of faith during the observation of these seasons. In short, this is a time to be excited about.

It seems that the standard way to celebrate this church season is to "give something up." Personally, in the past I have gone forty days without:

Coffee. Never again.
Pop. Easy.
"Secular music." Whatever that means.
AIM. Remember that?

While it is all well and good to go without something, it should probably be remembered that the purpose of the exercise is to make room for God to work in one's life, as well as through one's life. To this end, many streams of Christian faith encourage their adherents to spend additional time in prayer or acts of service during this season.

Therefore, for this season, I have decided to engage a somewhat different approach; I have started a blog which will feature daily Scripture readings, reflections, and prayers. This blog will run the duration of the Lenten season. Not only will it provide daily content, but I also hope it will serve as a forum for people to discuss and process how God is working in their lives.

I am aware that those choosing to observe Lent have a variety of ways to do so, and I don't want to force my particular means of observation upon anyone. However, if you're reading this and think that you'd like to incorporate this blog into your own celebration of the season, then I welcome you to do so. Point your browser here to see what I've put up so far: http://continuumofgrace.wordpress.com/. It's rather sparse at this point, but I will work on it in terms of functionality and aesthetics in coming days. (And if any of you have suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Serious blogging is a bit new to me.) I'm looking forward to journeying together with you during this season.

The flipside of this is that such an endeavor requires time; in order to make time for this, I will be ignoring my Facebook account during this season. Contact information can be found under my Facebook account, should you need to reach me. I always enjoy hearing from friends, so please don't hesitate to get in touch.

It is my prayer that God becomes new and real in your life this season as we draw nearer to Easter; and not only that, but that he would use you to make himself real to others.

Blessings!

Update, Yo!

2011-01-16T15:52:00.000-08:00

I last posted October 23. My last substantive update occurred long before then. I guess it's time for another.

I finished up the Fall 2010 semester at ATS with straight As; first time ever in seminary to do that! I had a somewhat different run of classes this semester. One was a class on the development of sacramental liturgy that I found to be informative. For this class we got to visit churches of several different denominations (Catholic, Lutheran, Anglican, etc.) as well as studying ancient liturgy and tracing its development through the Reformation into contemporary times. Another class dealt with the idea of aesthetics within theology; I found this class to be very engaging and thought-provoking. The idea that a faith system has an aesthetic element has been somewhat ignored as of late, but I believe that viewing faith in terms of beauty can be compelling and beneficial. Great class. I also took a course that dealt with themes of literature and analysis of these themes in terms of worldview and ethics. For this course, I wrote a story and then analyzed it with the tools given during the semester. Certainly a fun exercise. (If you would like a copy of the story, let me know. I'd be happy to send one.) This semester ran a bit out of my normal field of study; I usually study early church history and Biblical literature instead of ethics, philosophy, systematics, and late church history. However, the change of pace was nice.

This semester, I quit Starbucks. There was no negative situation; I just wanted to work closer to campus. With Starbucks, my round-trip commute was a touch more than 30 miles. God opened some doors and I was able to get a student worker job inside the library at the school. I landed in the cataloging department. For the most part, my job involves uploading audio files of chapel services into a digital repository so that people can access the services online. Then I file the physical copies (CDs and cassettes) into storage. It's somewhat tedious, but it's nice to work in an office environment. It's a fantastic job; fun people and a great atmosphere. I love it.

I came back to T-Town over Christmas break and was able to see some family and friends. Unfortunately, some physical problems manifested and I spent the week after Christmas in a good deal of pain. (Had to cancel a lot of good times with people; I'm sorry.) Dr. Dad really came through and patched me up so that I could return to school for the January mini-mester.

And so return I did, and I'm currently taking a January intensive of Intermediate Hebrew. The professor is one Lawson Stone, who just happened to be on the translation committee for Joshua and Judges in the New Living Bible. (Yes, these are the people I study under. Fan-tastic.) Thus far, the class has been very challenging because my Hebrew is quite rusty. However, the payoff has been wonderful. Brad Young of ORU once said something to the effect of: "Reading the Bible in anything but the original language is like trying to kiss a girl through a sheet." I would have to agree with him; looking at the text in the original is a wonderful way to get past the Sunday-school flannelgraph understandings of Scripture that roam around out there. The Hebrew OT especially contains a raw intensity that is often sanitized out of modern translations. I am grateful for the opportunity to examine the text under one who is a scholastic giant in his own right.

At this point, more and more people ask: "So when do you graduate? What happens next?" I am only able to answer one of these questions at the moment. I graduate in May of this year.

I have no idea what happens next.

Currently, I am waiting to hear back from the University of Toronto (Wycliffe) and Marquette regarding applications to their Ph.D. programs. Hopefully, I won't have to wait much longer. One option certainly is to continue my studies, which I do want to do. Another possibility, made all the more attractive because of recent health issues, would be to take some time off, get a job, get out of debt, and build up my CV in order to be a better doctoral candidate in the future. Maybe that would be here in Kentucky; maybe that would be back home in Tulsa. Can't say. After I graduate, I would be qualified for a graduate-assistantship position in my field of study, perhaps an adjunct professor; I also would be able to serve well as a teaching pastor within a church setting. Due to my personality and skill set, I could also function well within administrative settings. We'll just have to see what happens with the Ph.D. applications and go from there. Another option would be to get another Master's here at ATS. Just gotta wait and see what happens with these applications.

Gotta say, I have a fantastic posse of family and friends; thank you all for your support, help, and prayers over the past few months and into this year. I love you all and I am very grateful for you.

More Thoughts From Freddy

2010-10-23T10:22:00.001-07:00

Continuing to read through Wishful Thinking, I found Buechner's entry on "Worship." I share it with you.

WORSHIP

Phrases like Worship Service or Service of Worship are tautologies. To worship God means to serve him. Basically there are two ways to do it. One way is to do things for him that he needs to have done - run errands for him, carry messages for him, fight on his side, feed his lambs, and so on. The other way is to do things for him that you need to do - sing songs for him, create beautiful things for him, give things up for him, tell him what's on your mind and in your heart, in general rejoice in him and make a fool of yourself for him the way lovers have always made fools of themselves for the one they love.

A Quaker Meeting, a Pontifical High Mass, the Family Service at First Presbyterian, a Holy Roller Happening - unless there is an element of joy and foolishness in the proceedings, the time would be better spent doing something useful.

A Little Something From Freddy B.

2010-10-15T08:52:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite author/philosophers made the following statement, and I felt it was worthy of sharing.

This is Frederick Buechner from his book Wishful Thinking: A Seeker's ABC (New York: HarperCollins, 1993). The entry for "Salvation" is found on pages 102-104. I reproduce it as follows, with all credit going to Freddy B.

SALVATION

It is an experience first and a doctrine second.

Doing the work you're best at doing and like to do best, hearing great music, having great fun, seeing something very beautiful, weeping at somebody else's tragedy - all these experiences are related to the experience of salvation because in all of them two things happen: (1) you lose yourself, and (2) you find that you are more fully yourself than usual.

A closer analogy is the experience of love. When you love somebody it is no longer yourself who is the center of your own universe. It is the one you love who is. You forget yourself. You deny yourself. You give of yourself, so that by all the rules of arithmetical logic there should be less of yourself than there was to start with. only by a curious paradox there is more. You feel that at least you really are yourself.

The experience of salvation involves the same paradox. Jesus put it like this: "He who loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 10:39).

You give up your old self-seeking self for somebody you love and thereby become yourself at last. You must die with Christ so that you can rise with him, Paul says. It is what baptism (q.v.) is all about.

You do not love God so that, tit for tat, he will then save you. To love God is to be saved. To love anybody is a significant step along the way.

You do not love God and live for him so you will go to Heaven. Whichever side of the grave you happen to be talking about, to love God and live for him is Heaven.

It is a gift, not an achievement.

You can make yourself moral. You can make yourself religious. But you can't make yourself love.

"We love," John says, "because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19).

Who knows how the awareness of God's love first hits people. We all have our own tales to tell, including those of us who wouldn't believe in God if you paid us. Some moment happens in your life that you say Yes to right up to the roots of your hair, that makes it worth having been born just to have happen. Laughing with somebody till the tears run down your cheeks. Waking up to the first snow. Being in bed with somebody you love.

Whether you thank God for such a moment or thank your lucky stars, it is a moment that is trying to open up your whole life. If you turn your back on such a moment and hurry along to Business as Usual, it may lose you the ball game. If you throw your arms around such a moment and bless it, it may save your soul.

How about the person you know who as far as you can possibly tell has never had such a moment - the soreheads and slobs of the world, the ones the world has hopelessly crippled? Maybe for that person the moment that has to happen is you.

It is a process, not an event.

Post-Tulsa Status Report

2010-09-03T17:54:00.000-07:00

I'm aware that my previous blog came a few weeks before I arrived in Tulsa for the summer. I suppose it's only fitting that my next update comes a week or so after I left.

The Summer of 2010 was nothing like I thought it would be.

Home is no longer that which I thought. Some friends faded. Others moved away. Some doors shut. Others disappeared. Opportunities were not realized. In several ways, I became disappointed with myself and my environment. I was looking for answers to questions. Answers did not come, and I blamed myself. In terms of what I wanted Summer 2010 to be, it was an epic letdown.

And yet... And yet. Friends and opportunities popped out of the woodwork. Relationships grew. I found myself in a fantastic ministry environment, surrounded by wonderful people. The fact that answers did not come forced me to rethink questions, which has been positive. I grew spiritually and learned much. I made new friends. In these ways, Summer 2010 was a success beyond that which I imagined. There is still much to do and much to realize, but I am grateful for where I am and where I have been... And where I am going.

Bullet points. Because I like them.

I will no longer be working at Starbucks. The Siren and I are breaking up. It's mutual, and we think we can be friends without it being too awkward. My new workplace romance is with the Information Commons at Asbury Theological Seminary where I will eventually be working in the cataloging department as a Student Assistant. We're still playing around the edges and getting to know each other, but I do feel that this relationship has the potential to be mutually beneficial. Providence was certainly involved in how we got together, too. I think God is smiling on this one.
My ministry internship with Saturday Night Community Church was a tremendous blessing to me; I hope it was for them as well. Filling my MM602 requirement served as a wonderful excuse to get back into town and hang out with my friends for the summer and once again rejoin with my home church. Great things are happening there. Getting back and being involved in the future is a thought that plays in my mind. Wherever I go and whatever I do, SNCC will always hold a very, very special place in my heart.
In some ways, you can't come back home. I've been away for three years. Moving back in with Mom and Dad, even for the summer, was just... Weird. I love them. They love me. It's just odd to be on your own and then return to the family situation in such a way for such a length of time. No, there comes a time when you are supposed to be on your own. It's what you have been preparing for. I am blessed to have parents that will support me in many ways to do whatever I do. If that means moving back in for a time, they're glad and willing to help in that way. However, I have moved beyond the point where I am comfortable living at my folk's house. Not because they don't love me and don't take care of me and don't want me to be there; no, they do love me and do take care of me and do love it when I'm around. I'm just aware that I'm 26; the time has past for me to live with them. Bird's a big kid now. Gotta leave the nest. I love you, Mom and Dad. You're wonderful; thanks for the love, the opportunities, the encouragement, and everything else that you have been for me and done for me.
Speaking of home, I found that when one travels, one's conception of home changes. Home isn't just Tulsa anymore. In some ways, home is where I am accepted and loved; not so much a geographical location. There's a lot of home in 'Tucky, as much as I hate to say it. As friends have moved on, I've got pieces of home all over; in Iowa, Colorado, Canada, Chicago, etc. It's like someone grabbed a handful of dust from my parents' backyard and cast it into the wind; wherever it landed, that place feels a little bit like home. The downside of that analogy is that my parent's backyard is missing some dirt; Tulsa just isn't home like it used to be. People have changed and things have happened; for better or worse, it just isn't what it used to be. And that's okay.
I'm excited about classes this fall. I'm taking a class on the Aesthetics of Theology which should be fun; History and the Sacraments, which is of great interest to me; and an independent study on morality and Modernity. Should be great. I think this is the first semester during my time here that I have not had a Biblical studies course. Yowza.
During my internship, I had the opportunity to lead a discussion group on Spiritual Formation at SNCC. Every night that we met except one, I was the youngest person in the room. How does that work? How can I talk about spiritual journeys when my own still has so much left unwritten? I learned from these discussions greatly. Though my background is in Biblical studies, I have become enamored over the past year and a half with the idea of spiritual formation. True discipleship. We need it, no question. It's also not being taught. I hope the discussions blessed the group as much as they blessed me; we barely scratched the surface of it all. So very much left in the world...
In my travels, I visited Colorado. Did the annual backpacking trip. Always a blessing. Also scooted out to Detroit to be an usher for my friend Kevin in his wedding. Glad that man got hitched. Also, I traveled with my good friend Josh during his move out to Iowa. Never been to Iowa before. Lots of corn. LOTS of corn. Lots OF corn. Lots of CORN. Geez o' Pete, was there a lot of corn. Holy frig. Moving on...
This travel tidbit gets its own bullet point. My dad and I flew up to Deerfield and Milwaukee to look at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School (TEDS) and Marquette to investigate possibilities for Ph. D. work in Biblical studies. Both are excellent programs, though they are very different. I have many thoughts upon this matter, but the trip really told me what I need to be working on to move ahead in academic work. It also, once again, raised the question of whether or not this is what I want to be doing with my life. A little side issue that also needs to be addressed is that of money... So, yes. Prayers in this area would be appreciated. Please pray specifically for the following: A) That I would be able to maximize my use of time and study for the GRE as well as gain competency in a modern research language (German, most likely). B) That God would guide the application process at various schools. C) That I would do well in my current studies. D) That God would continue to meet my physical and financial needs. E) That God would reveal his will to me within his time and show me which opportunities to pursue so that I may be in the best place to bring glory back to Him.

And such is my life, currently. I'm excited about what's ahead and looking forward to seeing what God makes happen next. I'm sure there are issues of note that I just forgot to put in here... But if you have any questions, just ask. In the meantime... Go eat a sandwich. You earned it for reading all this. You know what? Have a brownie with your sandwich. And a chocolate milkshake. It's okay.

I won't tell.

I'M ALIVE, I SWEAR

2010-05-01T20:28:00.000-07:00

Oooooooooookay. It's been a little while since I hit the blogosphere. I've been rocking the Twitterverse and spending far more time than is good for me on Facebook... But sadly, the blog had been pitifully neglected. It's kinda like that forlorn kid sitting on the curb in the summertime with nothing to do because all his friends are on vacation. And he just missed the ice cream truck. So... Update!

I have one paper, two tests, and two vocab quizzes left for school. I'm almost done with the Spring semester of 2010. Classes this semester are: Intro to World Religions, Exegesis of 1 Corinthians, and Exegesis of Joshua. Yeah... I took two exegesis classes in one semester. Call me crazy.
I'm still working at Starbucks. It's a good job. I'm transferring back for the summer to Tulsa, so we'll see how that works out. Speaking of Tulsa...
I'm going to be doing a ministry internship at Saturday Night Community Church with my good friend, Preston Sharpe. I'm really looking forward to working with all those great people again. Also, I haven't found a church in Wilmore that scratched the itch quite like SNCC does. Can you tell that I'm excited?
I've begun to shave with a straight razor. This has been nothing short of wicked awesome. For all you "men" who pride yourselves on your "manly" beards, I ask of you... Which is more masculine, being lazy and letting yourself go or shaving with something that you could also use to hijack a 727? Gillette, Schick, and all the rest... Stand down. Take your ridiculously overpriced cartridges and begone. Electric shavers, you once may have been the future, but you belong in the forgotten past as far as I'm concerned. I have found a better way. And this is it.
I went and watched Angels & Airwaves do a show in Cincinnati this past weekend. Great show. Enjoyed it very much. Thought more than once that Tom DeLonge sounds like Spencer Sharpe when performing live.
Umm... That's about it.

I will engage a couple of thoughts, though. I don't have any real arguments or points I'm trying to make here; these have just been floating around in my mind lately.

What's up with negativity? Across the Twitterverse and Facespace, people are griping about something or other. I've also seen that several of my acquaintances have lives that are characterized by negativity, both on the interwebs and in the real. I know, I know... Life is tough. It's easy for me to point this out; my life is amazingly simple compared with those of other people. However, I've also seen people who have had the $h!t kicked out of them show more joy more often than I thought possible. What gives? Christ came that we may have life... And we are not like those who do not have hope! The joy of the Lord is our strength! There was a time in my life when I would have been content to wallow and mope; I probably would have sent a sneer in the general direction of those who said what I just did. Sometimes, I'm tempted to slip back to that place. It certainly would be easy... But instead of focusing on the thousands of ways that life is difficult, let us rejoice in the one whose yoke is easy; and when it feels heavy, let us be thankful for the community of faith that carries us when we can't crawl. Debbie Downer, don't you come knocking at my door.
This semester, I had the singular experience of visiting a Hindu temple and watching their service. I remember sitting in the corner, trying to take everything in, humbly trying to find God in that place. I'd recommend that you visit a gathering of another faith... Make you think. Anyway, earlier in the semester, I was visiting a nondenominational storefront church... Until I found out they were Baptists. Then I wouldn't give them the time of day. (I just don't like Baptists... This part of me is far from sanctified.) And this thought just hit me over the past couple of days: Why can I enter a Hindu temple and place myself in a position of humility there and then go to a Baptist church and reject their community when I most certainly have more in common with the Baptists than the Hindus? Religious pride... It even goes across denominations. Something really got me; Earth Day fell on a Thursday this year. The big joke was that "Today is Earth Day; or, as conservative evangelicals call it, 'Thursday.'" (Maybe it wasn't conservative evangelicals... Might have been something else. Fill in the blank. The idea will stand.) So everyone had a good chuckle at that. But it was a slap in the face. That doesn't promote unity! I'm sure conservative evangelicals have a lot to say about the world (and they do say it, no mistake...), but geez. This came from many of my friends who pride themselves at transcending a lot of these divisions of faith and people who see themselves as forging ahead and bringing unity to God's church... This attitude just doesn't fit. Who says a conservative evangelical isn't green by default? Who says that I can't find God underneath a Baptist steeple? Do I get so hung up on my own position of faith and semantics that I find myself judging other people and criticizing them for the dumbest of things? I know I do... And I wish I didn't.

That's all I've got for now. Tulsa, I'll see you in 20 days.

Grace vs. Karma

2010-01-06T18:42:00.001-08:00

So, a friend asked the following question via Facebook: "Are grace and karma really different?"

This got me thinking... I'm a grace nut. Naturally, this question piqued my interest.

From what I understand of karma, the basic idea is that various events (past, present, and future) are determined by moral cause-and-effect through the actions of an individual; the consequences that come to that individual are either enforced by a deity or they simply play out because that is the nature of the world in which we live. Simply put, one gets what one deserves.

So that's karma; what is grace? From my study, I have become increasingly convinced that grace defies definition. Indeed, if you asked me to classify grace or explain how it functions, I would falter. A hallmark of grace is that it remains beyond our comprehension, for it is not a system. It is not cause and effect; it is not a transaction. It is not a game, and it certainly is not a cosmic scorecard of one's life.

Rather, grace is a manifestation of the nature of God as seen in the world. It is not something God does; it's who God is. God can't help it; he is grace-ful. Because God is at work in the world, grace is at work in the world. We can look for it. We can expect to see it.

It is important also to note that God's nature is one of forgiveness. It is plain to see that forgiveness and grace go hand in hand, though they are far from synonymous. I would suggest that forgiveness and reconciliation is a manifestation of grace for both the offending and offended parties in a situation. However, I do not equate grace with forgiveness, for grace encompasses so much more.

Grace also comes as an empowerment and a challenge to live as one ought. God, being at work in one's life, gives that person the tools, strength, and ability to live in accordance with his will. God also will direct that person as to what his will is and provide conviction and correction when one strays from that will.

Grace is constantly at work in the world, drawing all people nearer to God and to his love. The physical ways in which this wooing takes place is as numerous as all the people through time multiplied by the total of seconds that people have existed, even in the mind of God before the universe as we know it began.

But what about sowing and reaping? Is that a karmic principle? In the Gospels, "sowing and reaping" refer to agricultural practices. The verse that comes to mind is Galatians 6.7: "Be not deceived; God is not mocked; for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." (ASV) A reading of Galatians 6 shows that Paul is speaking of the pursuits of the individual; if one pursues the ways of the world, that person will find himself or herself mired in the ways of the world. If one pursues heaven, heaven will be made manifest in his or her life. Indeed, the context of this passage calls for the community of faith to break "karmic" powers in the lives of others by restoring those who have sinned (6.1), bearing each other's burdens (6.2), not being weary in well-doing (6.9) and doing good to all people (6.10). Far from condoning any karmic idea, Paul encourages the opposite. It must also be said that Paul encourages personal responsibility, which brings up the question of the natural law of cause and effect; I'll touch upon this later.

What about the Lord's Prayer? Is the idea of us forgiving others as the Father has forgiven us a karmic principle? I don't think so, and here's why. While I think there is a cause and effect scenario at play, we must be careful as to how we understand it. God's forgiveness for us being the cause, our forgiveness for others being the effect; many people will look at this and see it as a command to forgive others, because if they don't, God won't forgive them. It's the "Big Brother" God enforcing forgiveness among his kids. (Or else!) Rather, I would read it this way; God, being a grace-ful, forgiving God has forgiven us because it's who he is. When we enter into a vital, dynamic relationship with this God, we begin to pick up his nature. And so we become grace-ful, forgiving people; not out of obligation, but rather because it's who we are becoming. Cause and effect? Yes. Karma? No.

Which brings us to the cause and effect question. I would agree that the principle of cause and effect is a natural law in play in the universe in which we live. (As such, it remains subservient to eternal law, but that's another post for another day.) Karma is cause and effect being played out on a moral and spiritual level.

As Christians, we are called to rise above simple cause and effect, for that is what Christ did. Had Christ's life followed a karmic pattern, there would have been an ascension with no death and resurrection. Christ would have been an enlightened prophet, a master of the divine; but not the savior of the world. We would still be dead in our sins with no way out, were karma and grace the same. But rather, Christ, the perfect one, bore the imperfections of an imperfect humanity so that we, who have no chance and no hope of life on our own, can share in the divine life that Christ brings to the human condition. Look all you want, but there is nothing karmic about this situation. This is God's nature; to bring his creation out of what it deserves into that which it has no hope of attaining or receiving on it's own.

Karma? Ain't no way.

Grace? Forever and ever; amen!

A Lament.

2009-08-11T21:12:00.000-07:00

This is a sad blog. Consider yourself warned.

The past several days have given me ample food for thought as well as time to think; 1000+ miles of driving will do that for a person. And in my travels, I see something consistent within our culture as a people.

We strive to fill our lives. With what? Just about anything. Depends on who one is. But have you noticed, in our quest to become more efficient, we have simply become more busy? There are tools, facilitators, that people invest in to keep themselves organized. And yet, as we invest in more and more of these time-saving devices, we find ourselves running out of time. Again and again. Despite our best efforts, our lives become busier. What gives? That is the quest to save time. A quest that seems to be a failure; for when we find we have time to spare, we fill it with something else.

Even our leisure is exhausting. Have you noticed this? I just took a two-week vacation. I'm tired, man. Lots of fun; but not relaxing at all. Have you ever heard someone say, "I need a vacation to recover from my vacation?" How often do we become stressed because of something we're doing on our "day off" and so get bent out of shape because of that? We have to make time to relax; and even then, we can't relax because we are oppressed by all the things we're putting off or ignoring so we can "relax."

And what about the quest for identity? Geez, it's hard to be a well-differentiated American. 24/7, society screams impossible ideals at us and then castigates us for not living up to them. Have you noticed this? A teenage girl is supposed to be pretty, wear stylish clothes, be thin as a rail, have a boyfriend, possess a perfect complexion, etc. And if she falls short, she is rejected. A man is supposed to be a hardened warrior, capable of taking down a pack of wolves with his bare hands; a scholar, knowledgable about all aspects of life; an innovator, someone who lives on resourcefulness; a thinker, capable of accurately assessing difficult situations and responding accordingly; and a listener, someone who can meet the emotional needs of his spouse and family. Where are these people, these ideals? Hint: they don't exist except in ad campaigns.

But we must be our own individual! So we strive to create a personal style, a personal code, something to set ourselves apart from the pack; and in so doing, we find that we only imitate others in countless ways. We buy because we want to imitate those who have; we work long hours because we want to be like those who have money. We work out (granted, it's good to be healthy... duh) because we believe we will fit into culture better if we are fit. How much of what we do is simply because we think that we will be more accepted if we do this or that? "Hey, you! You need to be your own person! And to help you do that, we're mass-marketing this stylish new car that can be yours for only thousands of dollars!"

Which brings me to another thought. The quest to buy and to have has surpassed the quest to save and prepare. Have you noticed this? The concern is always with the immediate, not the long-term. Can't afford it? No sweat. There's a credit card for that. Credit wrecked? No sweat. We won't check it. The important thing is for you to have stuff, and we will do what it takes to make sure you have your stuff. (Until someone gets tired of not being paid, anyway.)

They're even selling us on stuff we don't need! Does my razor really need a small motor in it? C'mon, seriously. What's wrong with the unmotorized one? Nothing, except for the fact that it doesn't have a motor. (Let's ignore the fact that it does the job just fine without one.)

I'm glad that phones are becoming smarter. They do make life easier. They also make it easier for random crap to invade your life. How many times have you entered a coffeeshop and seen two people sitting at the same table, not saying a word to each other, but messing with their phones? Texts, emails, random apps doing their thing, all demanding your ever so precious time. Time that you're running out of.

So where are we going? We're on a quest to fill our lives with stuff. To fill our lives with people, our bank accounts with money, our homes with things, and what do we have to show for it? Read the papers.

Broken marriages and failed relationships. Pyramid schemes and identity theft. Debt, destruction, and thieves. So we purchase items or invest time to protect these things; and the cycle repeats itself.

Don't get me wrong; some things are necessary. Positive relationships are important and should be fought for. Money is needed to survive and should be earned. We need a roof over our heads and amenities to get by. But at what point do we start serving our lifestyle? Or our desired lifestyle?

Or when do we ever raise the question? It's easy to pull the trigger on a new tshirt and ignore the 15 I already have sitting in the drawer. It's easy to overcommit myself to people because I'm scared of "letting someone down" or because I'd rather not face the consequences of simply saying, "No." It's easy to buy a new computer because the one I have is a year old (forget the fact it still works fine). These things we do without thinking.

And I wish that we would stop and ponder. In 2004, over half of college undergraduates had four or more credit cards; they had an average of $2200 in debt per person. The average cardholder is expected to owe well over $6000 by 2010. It takes an average of 330 hours to repair the damage done from identity theft. Over a million kids each year watch their parents get divorced. Nearly 10% of the nation's population suffers from depression; depression among children rises by 23% every year. Nearly 7 million people will suffer from panic attacks in 2009; I am among that number.

What's wrong with us?

We, as a culture, as a nation, as a people, are spinning, spinning, spinning out of control. We will feed on ourselves until there's nothing left and we self-destruct. We get so caught up in ourselves, our lives, our things, our busy-ness, and our incessant, manic compulsions for bigger, better, more, that we can't even see that we're slowly killing ourselves.

Can we learn to slow down? Can we learn to relax? Can we learn to seek others first and not ourselves? I hope so... And I hope we will see sooner rather than later.

Told you this was going to be sad.

Father, forgive us... For we do not know what we do.

Dispatches from the Kentucky Frontier

2009-06-10T10:40:00.000-07:00

A few dispatches from the boondocks of Kentucky, brought to you via Pony Express via the interwebs:

I'm spending the summer in Kentucky this year; I'll be working about 30 hours a week at Starbucks. I've got a couple of days off every week to do whatever manner of nothing that I desire. No classes this summer. It's time for a break. :)
Whenever I come back to Tulsa, I appreciate the coffeeshops there. Not just because they're awesome, but because they have no equal out here. KY seems to be late on riding the coffeeshop train. There are two main types that I've noticed here so far; the yuppie coffeeshop and the grungy coffeeshop. Unfortunately, there seems to be no middle ground. Also, never have I ever been handed a drink with a rosetta poured in the foam. Not here. Local roasters are difficult to find. The one coffeeshop that I look forward to going to happens to be in the state capital, about 45 minutes away. It's an independent coffeeshop that shares space with a vintage bookstore. I could burn many hours and dollars there. And have, actually. So be grateful, Tulsa-ites; you guys are spoiled. :)
Attending a denominational church has brought a new perspective to my understanding of how church happens. Something about Saturday Night that I have always enjoyed it its freedom. Freedom to order the service and revel (yes, revel) in alternative forms of worship; freedom to embrace the different, the uncomfortable, and the unexpected. In my current church (a traditional United Methodist congregation), "mixing it up" means that we alter the service order, or pull something different from the book of worship. I frequently wonder if it has ever occurred to them to look for expressions outside the worship book; surely it wouldn't be too hard to find ones that would be compatible with the Methodist tradition. However, this is simply not part of the process. It seems that more effort is spent changing individual words from hymns and other such minutinae instead of pursuing orthodox alternative methods of worship (which, with some prodding, this congregation would appreciate). It simply doesn't occur to the denominational mindset to look beyond the denomination for ways to worship God. Grr.
I've gotten into Robert Ludlum as an author lately. He was the guy that penned the original Bourne books (The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Supremacy, and The Bourne Ultimatum); and as good as those movies may be, the books are far, far superior. Go read 'em. Of his works, I have also finished The Holcroft Covenant and The Icarus Agenda. High recommendations on both.
Remember the ORU Honor Code? Asbury Theological Seminary has one too; it's known as the Ethos Statement. However, the Ethos Statement is about to change; for the first time in seminary history, students will be allowed to consume alcohol. Restrictions do exist, of course; the campus itself will remain dry and "moderation and discretion" are encouraged in all other places. The predominant theory is that the school changed Ethos so that enrollment would go up; like so many other places, the seminary has hit hard times. However, even though the student community has called for this change for some time, the denominational old guard (especially Wesleyans and others who believe that drinking is a moral evil) will be sure to disagree. This raises the question for some: did the seminary sell out to the prevailing winds of culture and the spirit of the world under the pressure of difficult times? This I can't say for sure; all I know is that now I can enjoy my occasional Guinness with a clear conscience. Hallelu!
Theological question for the masses: What is the role of the Holy Spirit in the Crucifixion and Resurrection? We seem to pay natural attention to the Father and the Son in these events, but what about the Holy Spirit? I'd like to hear your thoughts...
In an effort to stay more in touch, I am strongly considering adopting other mediums of communication... I picked up a Skype account yesterday, and I am also looking into (gasp, perish the thought) Twitter. Shortly after I get Twitter, I will escort myself out behind the barn and bludgeon myself repeatedly with an old 2x4 for selling out.
As of late, I have also been making a partially concerted effort to stay up to speed on some television shows. I have finished Season 4 of The Office and am also getting into Castle and Fringe. I also have an interesting amount of curiousity regarding Dollhouse. I'm open to other recommendations as well, except Lost. Don't get me started on Lost.

That's all I've got for now... Hope things are well on the home front.

Through Hell and Back

2009-05-22T07:45:00.000-07:00

So as promised, here is the story of my semester. It's a long story; if you don't want to read it all, or simply don't care, that's fine by me.

Many of you have heard that this has been a hard semester for me. However, up to this point, I can count on one hand the people who have heard all the details of it. It's been rather traumatic, and I am only just beginning now to feel that I can look it in the eye and recount it.

For I feel that I must recount it; it's not a tale of woe, or a passive plea for pity. It's a story of God working in spite of circumstances; a story of pain, power, messiness, and miracles. I do not want anyone to read this and feel sorry for me; if I wanted your sympathy, I'd simply ask for it. Either way, I don't feel sorry for myself. Instead, I hope that you would read this and see God's hand at work and be encouraged to look inside your own situation to find his grace there in ways that you haven't seen before; I would also encourage you to expect grace in times when you feel it the least. This is why my story must be told.

The semester began in January with a girl. She's a great girl and I fell for her. It's not necessary to go into all the details; suffice it to say that it didn't work out. I will also say that she is a wonderful person and that I do not bear her any ill will. Feelings get involved in relationships, and that makes things hard. It's not anybody's fault, though.

So that was something emotional to grapple with; and somewhere in processing that, I took a drive in the beautiful countryside of Kentucky. I hoped to get some clear direction from God on how to handle this situation; and while I did not receive any direction, I did receive a hug from my Creator and the assurance that whatever happened that it would turn out okay. I thought that word was for this specific situation; I was wrong.

Also in this time, I began to develop chest pains. My chest would feel tight and I would experience shortness of breath on occasion. I knew something was wrong, but not being the brightest star in the sky, I didn't do anything about it. This will come into play later.

After the situation with the girl came to some resolution, I began to experience some trouble with school. Due to an upcoming trip to Israel, I had to take online classes; unfortunately, I didn't get that figured out until two days before drop/add closed. I couldn't order books for my classes until the first week was over. So coming off of a tough relational issue, I found myself three weeks behind in my classes. My books came in and I made everything up; 1500 pages to read, 20 pages to write, and 20 hours of work outside of that. 4 hours of sleep a night, and I was caught up in a week. However, I was exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally.

This was about a week before I headed to Israel. One night, I got a call from my boss at work informing me that a co-worker had been murdered. Even though he and I were not close, I was in no shape at this time to deal with something like that. He was a good guy; very nice spirit. He had been raised in the church, but had abandoned it and was searching other avenues of faith and belief. I had the opportunity to speak with him about spiritual matters on occasion, and I always found those discussions uplifting and challenging.

He had become involved in a romantic relationship with another man (whom we found out later had violent tendencies) and over time became impressed with the need to break the relationship off. He went to a public place in broad daylight to break up with him; the other man pulled a gun and shot him twice in the middle of a crowded parking lot at three in the afternoon.

Stuff like that doesn't happen. Never have I prayed before that God would have mercy on someone's soul; never ever would I have thought that such a prayer could be genuine or heartfelt. And yet, such was my prayer.

This same weekend, my car broke down to the tune of $2300. I could give you a laundry list of what was wrong with it, but that's not important. It was just another thing that had gone wrong in 2009. So I was leaving for Israel early next week; fortunately, my warranty provided for a rental while my car was in the shop and my car was ready the day before I left for Israel.

And here, things started to get better. I had received an unexpected scholarship this semester that gave me another $1000 to play with; I hadn't spent it and was kinda pondering how to. I got the bill for my car and found that after the warranty I had to pay about $950. Kapow! God is good. I also got a rental for the time that my car was in the shop. Not bad.

So the next day I went to Israel for two weeks, which was great. At this point I just needed to get out of town for a while. My dad (a doctor) looked me over regarding the pains and said there was nothing wrong. In Israel I got to take a small break from schoolwork; however, this was not a stress free time by any stretch of the imagination. I was still a basket case, just somewhat removed from the basket.

I returned to Wilville feeling somewhat better, but utterly disgusted at the fact that I had to return at all. I did not want to be back at all. At this point, I was associating bad things with the place where I lived, and I just wanted to be somewhere else. Nothing bad happened to me in Israel; I just wanted to be someplace that I knew bad things didn’t happen all the time.

About a week after I returned, my chest pains started to get worse and worse. Couple that with making up time in class (again) and my stress levels went up. One evening, my neck locked up, I got lightheaded, my left side started to tingle, and I started feeling nauseous; so I flipped out and went to a local urgent care center because I thought I was having a stroke or a heart attack.

Turns out that I wasn’t; the doctor basically said that it was an allergy/stress attack and sent me home with a prescription for an albuterol inhaler. But it got me thinking…

I just had a panic attack. I’d heard stories of people who had panic attacks. I was not one of those people. Until now. What’s wrong with me? What’s going on? I took the rest of the weekend off from homework and began to take a solid, hard look at my life and what I was doing to ensure that I wasn’t overworked. Certainly a step in the right direction.

Then I went home the following weekend; my sister’s high school play was that weekend, and I wanted to see it. Home was so good; it seemed like every interaction I had there was sent by God. There was peace in Tulsa. You could have told me that it was God’s will for me to stay here, forget my education and settle, and I would have believed you and done it. But some great conversations with friends convinced me otherwise. Dad also worked on me again; he discovered some stuff that he had missed the first time around and spent a couple of hours working on my chest wall. Turns out that I had some trauma that had caused my chest to lock up and my ribcage to tighten; thus the pain and shortness of breath. He unlocked all the tightness and I felt GREAT for the first time in 2009.

I had ceased to care about class; I just wanted to finish the semester and call it done. I was a C student for the first time in my life; and also for the first time in my life, I didn’t care about the grades that I got. I just wanted to be done. And yet God showed his grace here as well; I have received one final grade back already, and I know for a fact there is no way that I earned the grade that I got. On the assignments that I turned in for other classes, it seemed that God took my shoddy work and multiplied the quality of it so that I got better grades than I deserved. Not bad for someone who has ceased to care.

I finished the semester two days ago; the past week involved 30 hours of work, 10 pages of research, 500 pages to read, and two tests to take, but God saw me through.

I also got the statement from my insurance company regarding the visit to the ER. It cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $2000 for it all; insurance paid about $1200 and was able to negotiate away another $250, so I’m currently liable for about $550. That’s still a lot for a student, but not bad.

And now the story gets really cool. I sometimes forget which weeks I get paid at my job, so I just pick up a check whenever I remember to. And so, from time to time, I have checks left over. Before I came to Tulsa for my little sister’s graduation, I stopped in at work to pick up my tips and see if I had any checks that I could deposit before I left town. As it turns out, I did. Two checks. Totaling…

$550.

Wow.

So that brings us up to the present. As I said at the beginning, this story is not to ask for pity. I don’t need pity, nor do I want it. Instead, this story is a testament to God working in my life in spite of overwhelming circumstances. It is a tale of restoration and redemption. It is also a story to encourage.

I have always been overwhelmed by the power of grace. When we least expect it, it shows up; and sometimes when we don’t think it’s there, it is actually there more than we realize. That is my story.

From the Deck...

2009-04-30T12:05:00.001-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's been a hell of a semester, and when the summer starts I'll take a couple of hours to blog it out and tell you about it.

But today, I'd like to share an experience that happened to me just a few minutes ago.

Every so often, I get a craving in my spirit for silence. Not just quiet, but silence; I can stand the white noise of the world. Cars driving past and birds singing are no problem. It's the people that get under my skin. Conversations, laughter, comments in passing... Suddenly the world is filled with people who have no desire except to hear their voice echo in the otherwise clean and pristine air, people who feel that the space they walk through is an empty void best handled by a boost in personal volume. And these people, whether they be friends, family, or otherwise... When the fit takes me, they all grate against the fiber of my being.

So this afternoon I sought refuge in a bowl of ice cream, my iPod, and the back deck which just so happens to look out across a cow pasture. Bono was singing "Walk On," the wind was playing with my hair, and I had successfully escaped the hubbub of the indoors. As I was thoughtfully letting a lump of Mocha Madness melt in my mouth, one cow looked at me.

This cow was set apart from the group; the closest one to me, away from the herd. The rest of the cows had their heads buried in tufts of grass, concerned only with their next bite; this cow had locked eyes with me. As we continued to hold each other's gaze, thoughts began to flow...

"I like this cow. He and I are similar; trying to break away from the bunch, not conforming to what the rest of the herd is doing. Seeking a home in the outdoors, looking for meaning beyond the fences which hold us back. This is a good cow."

As my personal reverie continued, I began to feel a kind of kinship with this creature. "This cow knows me," I thought. "This cow gets it."

I broke away from the beast's gaze and pushed some Mocha Madness around in my bowl. I looked up; the cow still stared me down. Then, ponderously, he lowered his head to the grass and sniffed. Looked back up; looked back down, then methodically walked away. The rest of the herd absentmindedly followed, noses still buried in the grass. "Huh," I thought. "How cool is that."

And at that moment I realized what an awkward thing it is to have a cow icily glaring at you while you eat a dairy product.

Upon Iconoclastic People

2009-01-04T21:26:00.000-08:00

So, some time ago a friend told me about a particular view held by theologian Colin Gunton... The view that people are, by nature, "iconoclastic." They break whatever image and conception you may form of them over time, for people are created in God's image. I thought it sounded like a neat idea and decided that I probably believed it.

I went home a couple of weeks ago. I always look forward to going home. It's great to see family and friends. Of course, the time spent will not be enough and there will be some disappointments as to someone I didn't get to see or spend as much time with, but that's part of the game. For a number of reasons, I was really looking forward to this particular visit; and so, expectations were set quite high.

How did it go? Iconoclastically smashing.

I got to meet up with a bunch of people; a dinner here, a coffee there, a lunch with someone else. Most of these meetings took place with friends that I have known for years. When you sit and catch up with someone, you continue to learn about them; you hear about their current life situation and in turn how they deal with their present circumstances. This speaks of their character and what kind of person they are; and regardless of how long you've known someone, people will be full of surprises.

Circumstances change. Some friends got married; others became parents. Others grew to the point where I now must look up at them a bit. Some friends moved away from Tulsa and just were passing through during the holidays, just like me.

I got surprised a good deal on this visit.

Some people greatly impressed me and I wanted to spend more time with them in the hopes that a bit of their awesomeness would rub off on me before the clock ran out. Some people I just met, or reestablished contact with, and desperately want to grow the relationship however I can because they're simply too cool to let go.

Other people were disappointing, to put it nicely; "utter let-down" may be a more accurate phrase. I'm not sure what went wrong, but there were several experiences where I came away from seeing someone thinking, "This isn't the person I knew..." I saw things in particular people that caused me to lose respect for them.

And I don't know how it happened. You can meet up with someone that you greatly respect and admire and just listen to them; and somehow, by the end of the time, you're wondering what in the world happened to the person that you thought you knew so well. Were they hiding inside all the time, just waiting to pop out when you weren't looking? Maybe it's a matter of perspective; a few more years and experience could change one's viewpoint. What if it's pride - a bit of self-righteousness and the innate desire to be better than those around me? A bit of everything, perhaps?

I don't know... As I sit here and type this, I hope you can see what I'm driving at. I try not to deal with people in a callous way; I don't want to judge my experiences with others by some sort of mental scorecard. I don't sit and rationally listen to a person and think, "This person is worthy of more respect than I currently have for them; therefore, I shall give it." No! You just sit down and aim to have a good time; and when the encounter has ended and you're walking back to your car, you're left with an impression of the encounter, positive or negative. "That was really fun; I need to hang out with her more often," or "Geez, that was a bust. I may not do backflips to hang out with him again..." Again, that's more of an impression of the encounter than a rational, calculated response.

And so, I have more impressions than responses. Some impressions were extremely positive; others were spitting distance short of depressing. All were, by nature, iconoclastic.

My impressions of people are not final; they are subject to change, by default. When I interact with a person, it's like my mind pulls out a sketch of them and goes to work. The pencil flies over the paper, shading, adding details, rounding shapes, clarifying points of ambiguity; sometimes, the pencil gets flipped and the eraser flutters over the sketch, doing away with slipped strokes and poor portrayals, softening hard lines where strong definition may not exist. When I meet someone new, I start from scratch; when I meet up with an old friend, I pull their picture out of the stack and resume work on it. The longer I know someone, the less my mind adjusts his or her picture; sometimes, the mental artist will sit back and wait for an inconsistency to present itself. When it does, the picture is corrected as it can be; and so the process subconsciously repeats itself ad infinitum. While art can come by rational calculation, it stems from impressions - and impressions make, shape, frame, and change the pictures I have of others.

I suppose one could ask the question, are impressions accurate? Eh... I don't want to address that here. I'm only outlining my process, not deciding whether or not my process is correct. ;)

The pictures will never be done; but in my mind, some became more beautiful this past week. Others lost a good deal of luster. And with the shoe on the other foot, I can't help but wonder... Was the experience as joyous/disappointing for them as it was for me? Maybe I'll never know... But I would ask this of you...

Please don't finish your sketch of me. The subject matter is rather fluid.

Sometimes a Song Says It All...

2008-12-24T22:47:00.000-08:00

They grew up in the same old town
Never knowing the other was around
Read from the same damn books
Never gave each other looks
But one day the sun will shine
I know
For their eyes have told me so
Chasing advice from those who say I've lost my mind

(Chorus)
Rush together
To find each other
Now it's too late
You can never wait for luck
Together playing the same instrument
That you still can't hear at all.

So that's how the story goes, so far
I'll tell you the rest, but now
I'm tired of what I think
A situation where I can't sing
But I hate the vagrant life
I know
Nothing has been more told, 'til now
Living my life after those who say I've lost my mind

Rush together
To find each other
Now it's too late
You can never wait for luck
Together playing the same instrument
That you still can't hear at all.

So what do you say
So what do you say
Can we turn this clock back
Thirteen years and relate?
I won't mind, can we stay
But isn't it fate?
But isn't it fate,
That we spill our guts out
On this very day?
I don't mind
I want to
I want to
Stay

"Rush Together"
-Quietdrive-

J-Dub and M-Yac

2008-12-23T07:59:00.000-08:00

So this semester has been a great time of personal growth for me, not due in small part to a class I've been taking on John Wesley's theology. I've learned a great deal and come to expect more from faith. Wesley's emphasis on spiritual growth and his emphasis on grace, as well as the place of holiness, has caused me to view faith differently than I did a few months ago.

But at that end of the semester, I wanted an additional perspective; for Wesley's faith demands much and promises much. I wanted something different to add some balance; so I grabbed Messy Spirituality by Mike Yaconelli. I found it to be an interesting read; Mike speaks of the power of a life not lived according to spiritual stereotypes and popular (mis)conceptions.

And somehow, while pondering, these two views came together in my mind to form an odd sort of synthesis... I had thought that these thinkers would prove to be at odds with each other. Wesley with his paradigmatic understanding of God's operation, set against Mike with his distinct lack of rules and qualifications. Wesley's demand for holiness seemed to fly in the face of Mike's emphasis on brokenness, and Mike's longing for humility could be seen as contrary to Wesley's expectation of perfection.

But as I continued to ponder these ideas, I came to see that they do not necessarily contradict each other. To be sure, the social context and presentation of these ideas varied greatly. They have much in common, though; both fought against the established religious status quo. They both emphasized spiritual growth, as well as the importance of grace.

As it should be, grace is central to both thinkers' understanding of God, as well as human depravity. After all, grace isn't a big deal unless someone needs it. They both would agree that love is the primary evidence of holiness; and both would agree that the "messiness" of the Christian life is simply part of the game. The difference between the two would seem to be that Wesley expects the believer to move beyond the messiness, and Mike expects the messiness to always be present.

And even here, they may not be as separate as one would think. Wesley believed that the sin nature remained in a Christian, just that the sin nature no longer had power in his or her life. However, the battle to fight with temptation would always remain. A believer does not have to succumb to it. It also seems that Wesley expected some form of spiritual dark times to be present.

Mike presented spiritual growth as a jagged line of peaks and valleys with a net positive result; and just as Wesley expected holiness, Mike expects dark times to be prepared for and and embraced. The spiritual journey cannot all be positive times and a straight line of growth shooting for the stars.

And on this tiny point, I think I would agree with Wesley more; not for his beliefs necessarily, but for his emphasis. He would have a believer expect perfection, and press through rough times with that end in sight. My concern with Mike's point of view is that while spirituality is (and should be, to a degree) messy, I get the idea that "mess" is included in his ultimate understanding of the Christian life. (Hence the title of the book...) And even this I would agree with, if what is meant by "mess" could be clarified. God loves us and our mess just as we are, and yet desires to deliver us from our messiness; sometimes by throwing a divine mess into our human one. Our human shortcomings and failures are obliterated before a mysterious God who, in his love, hurls his topsy turvy Kingdom into our world and our hearts.

Messy Spirituality contained this sentiment, but I think Wesley presented the argument with more force and clarity; and so, it is harder to mistake his meaning. I do not think that Wesley would disagree with Mike, except for the use of the word "mess." Wesley did not say that the mess did not exist; instead, he believed in a God that was capable and desirous of saving us from sin. If God is able to do it, we can expect that he will; and if he wants to do it, we can expect that he will do it now. Therefore, we should expect to be free from sin.

Wesley had no patience with those who said that people were free from habitual sin only; he pointed out that the word "habitually" is not in the Bible. Children of God do not sin; it is a defining characteristic of the state of being one of God's children. Can we not take God's Word at face value?

Part of Wesley's animosity toward those who would shortchange the power of grace was based off of his high regard for the Scriptures and the commands contained therein. If one cheapens the commands, then God's promises are also cheapened. We expect much of God, and God promises to deliver; is it so much that God expects things of us as well?

This is why I love Wesleyan theology. His thinking asks for cooperation and promises perfection; Mike's demands humilty and promises love, which Wesley would agree with wholeheartedly. These are not exclusive views; rather, they are concurrent. I think part of the trouble lies with the simple fact that we do not expect perfection, or we do not believe that God desires to perfect us. And so, we do not become perfect. Wesley's thinking attacks this belief; I was not impressed that Mike's did.

On the whole, though, this issue of growth and perfection was the only area that presented differing views to me, serious or otherwise. These theologs would agree on much, and their contributions to spirituality should be appreciated.

Thoughts? Gold star if you read this far and didn't skip anything...

My Spiritual Family Tree

2008-11-21T08:24:00.000-08:00

So, I was thinking the other day about my spiritual journey. I started to think of people along the way who have influenced me and the meaningful contributions they have made to my approach to the world. Probably, most of the people have no idea that they have been a positive influence on me; and so, in some way, I write this to say "thank you." This blog is not meant to point out specific people; this is not a complete list. This is a tribute to how God has spoken to me through his children and the revelation that he gave through them. (In other words: if you don't see your name here, don't get pissed.) I'll probably think of a bazillion other people and things as soon as I publish this.

The people here have somehow impacted my spiritual growth in profound ways, through their lives and our interactions. Some of these were positive experiences; some negative, and still others bittersweet. I choose to remember these people and events because, in some way or another, they have become part of how I see the world. In searching for my spiritual ancestors, I found many, many cousins. Funny how one's spiritual family defies the biological classifications of what a "family" should be.

Anyway... here we go.

THANK YOU...

St. Augustine, for telling me that God is one who changes the event but does not change the plan.
Justin Martyr, for showing me the continuity of the Holy Spirit within the church across the ages.
G. K. Chesterton, for showing me that the world is a supernatural place.
Frederick Buechner, for telling me of life-changing grace in words that speak to the soul.
C. S. Lewis, for showing me that Heaven is closer to Earth than I ever knew.
Gandalf (the neighborhood stray cat), who provides a daily example of how the Holy Spirit works in our lives.
John Wesley, for making me wonder why grace is so important.
Jerry Savelle, for the epic quote: "Opportunity comes dresses in overalls and looks like work."
Novalis, for the encouraging thought: "He who seeks God will find Him everywhere."
William P. Young, for writing "The Shack."
J. R. R. Tolkien, for penning the most magnificent portrayal of the coming of the Kingdom of Heaven.
Garrett Quinn, for showing me that people matter.
Tricia Archie, for living in the power of prayer.
Brandon Shupp, for demonstrating the value of a vibrant mind. And for many hours of foosball.
Steve Beresh, for showing me the value of living from the heart.
Jeff Voth, for showing me the importance of seeking God where He may be found.
Brent Sharpe, for the constant demonstration of the incarnational presence of Jesus.
Josh Gerard, for being the very personification of a friend.
The Celtic Church, for showing me that faith is not for fuddy-duddies.
Emmanuel Earls, for showing me that God wants good things for his kids.
Grammie and Gringa, for showing me the importance of love.
Preston Sharpe, for helping me to see the importance of the crossroads between Christ and culture.
Angels and Airwaves, for making me look for love in war zones.
Nightcrawler, for showing me that one can be a superhero and a Christian at the same time.
Aimee Raile, for helping me to understand God's love a little bit better.
Carbon Leaf, for their beautiful portrayal of life.
Julie Twilley and Shelli Chronister, for providing a definition of grace that was so astoundingly inadequate that I made up my mind to study it for the rest of my life.
John Asher, for being the picture of spiritual passion.
Pray As You Go, for showing me that spirituality happens everywhere.
Jim Shelton, for showing me that there will be Catholics in Heaven.
Jeff Lamp, for showing me that hippies aren't locked out of Heaven.
Brad and Sue Smith, for living lives of hospitality.
Arnie McCall, for helping to see that I have a place in community.
Stuart Bents, for pulling me out of bed to seek God's face.
Craig Garrison and Marc Harper, for showing me that pastors should know people's names.
My Parents, for all that they've done - words cannot say.
And to all who I did not mention, because I did not think of them or because words cannot do them justice. You have done far more than you know.

So not a tree... But maybe a web. A tapestry. Clouds in the sky, changing shapes, bumping into each other. Such is my spiritual family.

Saddest Thing I Have Read in a Long Time...

2008-11-10T08:17:00.000-08:00

How does this happen?

The Entitlement Complex?

2008-10-21T07:22:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine made a seemingly innocent comment the other day that struck me. We were discussing a computer game that he had recently picked up. As he started to tell me about it, he uttered the following sentence: "I didn't want to pay for it, so I downloaded it." And the conversation continued. He said it as matter-of-factly as one would say, "I was hungry, so I got something to eat." The statement gave me pause, but I didn't comment on it at that point. However, it has gotten a train of thought moving.

I'm not sure where this comes from; whether it's a degredation of morals, some form of social phenonema, or what... But somehow, our culture has come to a place where the rules simply don't matter. We don't like the rule; therefore, we choose not to abide by it.

Somehow, we think that's okay.

As I sit here and type, I can think of family and friends who have simply made decisions along these lines; they did not like the way something affected their life, so they chose to violate it without a second thought. People pulling out a Sharpie and doing a line-item veto on the Honor Code at ORU, as if they actually could. Others ripping music and and movies, more than they could ever watch or listen to. Even people at a seminary doing these things, breaking Ethos Statement and justifying it a thousand different ways; it makes one think.

A guy came into my work the other day, ordered some drink with two espresso shots, and then leaned over the counter to inform me (with a conspiritorial wink) that I wasn't going to charge him for the second shot. I chuckled and proceeded to charge him the full price for his beverage. When he belligerently informed me that I had charged him for two shots instead of one, I agreed that I had; it's a company policy, and I choose to abide by it. He proceeded to rant and create a scene; but when other baristas refused to change the price, he realized he was making a fool of himself and left.

Since when is the price of a three dollar drink negotiable? Does one go to Burger King, order a combo, and complain about not getting the fries for free? Of course not. Were I selling him a car, I would expect some negotiation; I'd even try to get him a good deal. However, this is a latte, not an Infiniti. The wiggle room simply doesn't exist.

How did we think we had so much wiggle room to begin with? "I didn't want to pay for it..." So I didn't. With the culture we live in, it's possible to break all kinds of rules and never get caught. But that raises the question: does that make it right? Here we must be careful. If we truly can get away with anything (and we can, if we are willing to try) then we can go from getting away with movie piracy to getting away with murder. Quite literally. The same line of logic would apply. Rules are in place; I can break the rules and not get caught; therefore, when the threat of consequence is removed and it serves my interest to violate the rule, it becomes permissible for me to do so.

What the hell.

I'm not talking about Ethos; I'm not talking about RIAA or anything like that. It is easy justify whatever you do.

I'm talking about integrity. Someone once said that integrity is who you are when the lights are off and no one's looking. Does a person of integrity do these things? Does a steward of God's Kingdom place their own interests before the established order? Granted, there may be times when being a steward means defying the order; however, I would call this an extreme exception that is not to be confused with the norm. Especially not in matters of music, video games, drinking, tax evasion, and the like.

Our decisions affect people. I bought a Brave Saint Saturn album recently and Reese Roper said this on the inside of the back cover: "Thanks to you for buying this album instead of downloading it so that I can eat food." Many times they don't, though. And when they don't, are we the same kind of person that we strive to be when they do?

Father, please help us to be a people of integrity; a people who shine in the dark places, even when we think that no one is there to see the light. Please help us to be a people who are above reproach in our lives, so that we do not taint your name in any way. Thanks, Father.

Amen.

A Diluted Spectrum

2008-09-21T16:09:00.000-07:00

This semester has been really challenging in a lot of ways. One such way has been that my perception of a spiritual life is being changed.

The curse of having an analytical/academic mind is that one processes everything on an intellectual level. Everything. This mixed blessing can allow for levels of observation, insight, and understanding that are mostly objective and informational. Looking at a situation and being able to analyze what is happening is nice. (Of course, it can also lead to hideous levels of overanalysis. Ah well.)

And so, the study of God and His Word has been interesting to me. It has provided a field of analysis that captures my attention and holds it; the matters of text, history, theology, and all the little hair-splitting details that such a world implies have provided a boundless playground for my mind.

I have interacted with faith on an intellectual level; can it work? Should it work? Does it work? What if it doesn't? Does it make sense? Can it make sense? Why should one believe? And so on. And by addressing these questions, I have been able to come to a place where I have a rational case for believing as I do. My faith is based on a rational level; I believe the way that I do because I believe my faith to accurately reflect the world as it truly is.

John Wesley would call such faith "the faith of a devil." Why? Because even a devil can understand the way the world works, and believes it to be so; however, this belief does not provide salvation. I also fear that many have fallen into such a belief; we believe our salvation to be such, and because we believe, we feel no obligation to do anything further.

But what if being a Christian meant much more? I read the church fathers and the believers of the past; their words ignite a fire in me that cuts beyond my mind to my heart. They use scary words; words like "sin" and "damnation." They also use wonderful words, such as "victory" and "sanctification." The Christianity of today does not possess the same vital signs. Authority has been taken from the Bible and placed in the hands of subjective contextual interpretation. Accountability has been taken from community and replaced with ambiguity. Truth has been run out of town, and whims have taken its place.

Answers are no longer sought with the same passion that questions are, and faith has withered as a result. Many have deconstructed it with the hope of arriving at the bright flame of truth that shone brightly at the core of what they believed; but after demolishing their personal framework of faith, they found that one cannot take away the candle and suspend the flame. Others became comfortable with a faith that promised all and required nothing. Still others have forsaken faith, because they have asked the wrong questions. It has been diluted into an easier faith. A politically correct faith. A faith that possesses the form... but lacks the power.

Father, forgive your church.

But what if.

What if Christian belief was something that was horrible? Where "sin" was not a bad bedtime story, but a real and powerful force that one has to struggle with daily? Where your faith offended others? Offended yourself? And what if you had to make sacrifices? Sacrifices beyond money and time. Sacrifices involving the places you go, the people you meet. Sacrifices that drastically impacted your daily life. And what about suffering? What if you had to suffer more than ridicule, but the loss of your safety, your wellbeing, and perhaps even your life. Where the faith you held was an affront to your society and yourself.

And what if...

What if Christian belief was something glorious? Something that radically changed you as a person. That changed the way you saw the world. Something that brought you peace, hope, happiness, and joy. Faith that marked you as an unmistakable member of God's Kingdom. Faith that can heal the sick; faith that can heal the soul. A faith that gave you the power to live a changed life; a life that could conquer sin. A life that was worth living.

I'm not claiming to have the above picture correct. But I am saying that our faith has become weak. The faith I read about and hear today inspires me to neither draw a sword nor fall upon one; and this many of our brothers and sisters overseas are forced to do.

However... I would for the faith of old. For the faith of Augustine. John Wesley. Oswald Chambers. These men had a faith that stirs my heart. I read their words and hear the voices of heaven.

I want a faith like theirs.
What if the Christian faith were something

Scattergun Script

2008-09-09T15:19:00.000-07:00

No major thoughts, just many little ones...

Fantasy football = fun. My goodness. Who knew. Having a dozen guys over and hosting a draft in my very own living room proved to be a blast. I can look at Brett Favre, Randy Moss, and Tony Gonzalez, and call them "my guys." (No, Tom Brady was not "my guy." Condolences to all who burned a first-round pick on him, though.) I even won my first game! We'll see how Week 2 goes.
Pray-As-You-Go Podcast = awexome. I've been riding this train for about a week now, and it's really been good. This podcast combines Scripture readings, contemplative questions, and instrumental music to create a 10-15 minute devotional that incorporates both Scripture and meditation. Bonus points for the accents.
Everyone needs a deck. The deck behind my house has been my study spot, my meditation haven, my phone call pacing platform, and my escape route. Get yourself one. Bonus points if it overlooks a field. Triple points if said field contains a smattering of cows and recently harvested tobacco stubble.
Look to the faith of our fathers. As of late, I've been reading Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest, as well as working my way through John Wesley's 52 Standard Sermons. High recommendations on both. I read about Christianity from these men and become awed and inspired, coaxed and challenged. In contrast, I read about faith from contemporary authors and may be impressed, but not compelled. With people from my own time, I can only applaud the questions; however, the answers from the past cut straight to my spirit. I'll take the Great Awakening for 400, Alex.
AtypicalSpirituality = ? I have the honor of being a contributor to AtypicalSpirituality.com, when the fit takes me. However, the past 6, maybe 7, posts have all tied directly into politics. Is there anything else going on in the world? How about...
FedEx Express rolls again. Roger Federer cruised past Andy Murray to take the US Open in convincing style. Murray made a late charge for respectability at the end of the match, but was unable to pull off the upset. He did defeat Rafa and break into the Top 5, though. I do hope Sampras' record of most Slam titles holds - I just like him more than Federer. Is Roger back from his disappointing showings earlier this year? We'll see. In the meantime, I'm still pulling for James Blake. That guy deserves his own Slam trophy as much as anyone, if not more.
Great Quote: "If there is a God who speaks anywhere, surely He speaks here: through waking up and working, through going away and coming back again, through people you read and books you meet, through falling asleep in the dark." -Frederick Buechner, The Alphabet of Grace-
Something about people. It's been interesting; there have been people here at school who remind me of other people. Not so uncommon, perhaps. However, there is always the accompanying motivation to build/rebuild relationships with the people I'm reminded of. It's been kinda odd, but very good.

That's all I've got for now; see ya next time.

On Theology Students and Spiritual Formation

2008-08-27T09:18:00.001-07:00

So this post is going to be kinda rambling. Bear with me.

It's been interesting being a theology student. The past six, going on seven, years of my life have been devoted to the study of God's word. To the ministry of His Kingdom, in whatever context I find myself in. To the translation of passages, the reading of books, and the quest for knowledge and understanding. And by the standards applied to such things, I've done pretty well. I've received praise from my teachers, mentors, and employers. I've gotten enviable grades and graduated among the top of my class. I've participated in honors programs and taken advanced classes. By the marks I've been given, I've done pretty good.

And I'm not alone in that; many people have. Many ministers of the Gospel have excelled at their studies and demonstrated an intimate understanding of their lessons; demonstrated a working understanding of ministry.

However, there is a deadly trap in this life; one that I feel clawing at me every day. It is the inclination to swap out books for the Bible. The inclination to substitute conversations with my peers for conversations with my Creator. The inclination to trade divine silence for "spiritual" static. The inclination to pass up dedicated time in favor of spontaneous moments. In short, the inclination to neglect one's spiritual life in favor of an academic life.

It's an easy thing to do. You sit in class all day long, learning about theology, the Bible, and ministry. Before, after, in-between, and during class, you discuss the things of God. Your reading, both business and probably pleasure, are infused with brands of spirituality. The majority of your relationships share one thing: the study of God's Word and purposes.

None of these things are bad. Indeed, the life I've just described may sound like Heaven to many people. The opportunity to live a life saturated with the things of God and thoroughly embedded in Christian community is a wonderful thing.

It can also be deadly.

Deadly because the life awash in these things often forgets to wash itself in the Blood. The mind thinks, "My life is already covered in the things of God; why must I pursue it further?" And so personal, intentional pursuit of the mysteries of God within relationship fall by the wayside in favor of substitutes that are to be a key part of the Christian life - but substitutes that should not and cannot serve for personal spiritual development, though they may assist in that area.

There is no substitute. There is nothing that can compare with deliberately engaging God's presence day after day to find the treasures that are hidden there. With seeking out His face intentionally.

Dr. Buskirk at First United Methodist Church, the church of my childhood, once read a statistic that shocked me then and saddens me now: most ministers spend less than ten minutes a day in prayer. I couldn't understand it then, and was flabbergasted; now I can, and I am saddened. It makes perfect sense.

Because against my intentions, I'm a part of that statistic.

Dr. B also once told a story; a woman once had a dream that she and everyone in her church were going to get measured. It was a yearly thing, much as your parents may do through your younger years. There was an angel with a measuring stick, and the congregation one by one stepped up and was measured according to the vitality of their spiritual life. And an interesting thing happened when one stepped up to be measured; the person grew or shrank according to his or her spiritual stature. The woman felt sure that she would measure up well; she had degrees and was active in many ministries in the church. Volunteered and coordinated and served and listened to only Christian music and lived a flawless life; but when her turn came, she shrank until she was the smallest of all.

I'm scared of angels with measuring sticks.

So this is an SOS from my soul as much as a plea to my peers... Please, please, please. Let us be deliberate. Let us take time. Let us not neglect the health of the heart for matters of the mind. Let us seek relationship with our Creator first and let our studies and relationships be colored by that lens alone.

Father, please forgive me for forgetting...

And Worlds Collided...

2008-08-17T19:27:00.001-07:00

It's weird, living on two different fronts... I've got family and friends in Tulsa. Wilmore isn't far behind. Kinda lacking in the family category, but friends are there.

Traveling from one place to another is weird. You jump in a car and zone out for 12 hours... Or you hop on a plane and wake up in a different time zone. Either way. I check out mentally during the trip. And when I check back in... It's like waking up from a dream. Almost like the other world didn't exist in some odd way, and the place I woke up was the only world that mattered.

Until this past week... When my mother, sister, and youngest brother came out to Wilville on a whirlwind tour to see the lay of the land and where I was doing grad school. People from one world visited the other...

And the worlds collided. It was weird. Seeing pictures stuck in a different frame. Not a frame that didn't fit, or a frame that looked ugly. Just a different one... And a good one.

My family loves where I am. They support me wholeheartedly. I'm grateful. And the trip that the four of us had was like nothing I'd experienced.

And I wondered if... If.

If that was kinda how the Incarnation worked. Worlds collided. And it was different... But it was beautiful. Odd, but meaningful. Inexplicable, but significant. And somehow... it was the most rockingest thing ever.

The Cross and the Resurrection

2008-07-30T17:25:00.000-07:00

I was up in the mountains this past week, as I usually am at some point in July. The mountains are awesome; they're a great place to go to get away from some things and closer to others. So, having left a dead cell phone and an almost-dead iPod in my car at trailhead, I threw 40 pounds of gear on my back and hit the trail with four other guys who were anxious to leave the world behind and get a bit closer to who and what the world is all about.

God usually speaks to me in some way while I'm on the trail; however, it always catches me off guard when He does. Not because I don't expect it; but just because He grabs my attention in ways that I'm not ready for.

This time it happened while I was lounging in a hammock, reading a book that had been recommended to me by my older brother. In this book, a man describes a vision that he had in which, among other things, he went to heaven and talked with people. He spoke with the Apostle Paul, who cautioned him to preach "the ministry and the message." At one point in the visionary dialogue, Paul used the phrase, "the cross."

And it was like I couldn't find air to breathe.

The Cross! The Cross! When was the last time I had pondered the place of the Cross in my life? Seriously thought about what happened at the Cross and what it meant for the world? What does the cross mean? Why is it such an iconic symbol? What happened at the Cross? Why is it at the center of my faith?

And the Resurrection! You can't have the Cross without the Resurrection. What happened at the Resurrection? Why does it matter? Why is it part of the foundation upon which I believe? Why do I believe that it can change my life? Why do I believe that it can change other people's lives?

I remembered to take a breath. And as air filled my lungs, shame filled my heart.

I had forgotten.

I who hold a Summa Cum Laude with Honors Bachelor's Degree in New Testament Studies. I who am working toward a Master's of Divinity degree at one of the nation's premier seminaries. I who have been in church my whole life. I who have preached and taught others on the power of Grace and the magic of the God whom we serve.

For what felt like years, I had forgotten the Cross and the Resurrection. And while I lay perched in my little hammock on top of some mountain in the Rockies, God invaded the moment to remind me of some things I had forgotten. To remind me that some things are a big deal. I have been so caught up in how things change across the ages...

I forgot to remember what stays the same.

"Christ has died; Christ has risen; Christ will come again." The mystery of faith. These words echo across the centuries, the timeless reverberations holding together those who claim Christ as their Lord and Savior. This is where my focus should lie; not in the things that I know will fade.

Invocations and Butterflies

2008-06-21T20:32:00.001-07:00

Tonight I had the honor of doing the Invocation at Saturday Night. (For those of you who may not be familiar with SN, we do the Invocation at the very beginning of the service, right before worship. Some would call it "the call to worship.") I had something that I was working up, but I didn't feel it was ready. In my time of distress, I turned toward Google and looked up "celtic invocation."

And... Interesting. I found invocations, but not the ones I was looking for. Pagan invocations. Wiccan invocations. Christians aren't the only ones interested in Celtic religion. So it made me wonder...

Other people seem to take their invocations seriously. Do we?

In spiritual terms, to "invoke" something means to summon it; if we invoke God, we ask Him to show up. The "invocation" is the action by which God is summoned. In Christian circles, it also seems to be an appeal to God's authority; but in other religions, it has the meaning of summoning a spirit and bringing about the supernatural.

So after a bit of searching, I found one. Read it here. But it weighed on me as to what I was doing, and after, I wondered what I had done. And then I remembered an incident from a few days ago...

I was driving in a mall parking lot and stopped at a stop sign. While I was stopped, a butterfly flew in front of my windshield. It passed me, doubled back, and then flitted around on the other side of the glass. It didn't try to fly inside my car; it just looked at me for a few prolonged seconds, and then flew away.

It could have been seconds; it might have been hours. I was arrested, transfixed by this butterfly. It felt like God had perched on the hood of my car and waved and smiled. It was a thing of great beauty and tranquility inside a chaotic moment. And even in its simplicity, it was enough to strike me speechless. God invaded that moment just to say hi.

And I called His name to kick off church tonight. Wow.

Where Did the Heroes Go?

2008-03-18T20:50:00.001-07:00

While this post may have some bearing on Brad’s question regarding Emerging/Emergent, I feel that the purpose of this post will be to look at a few characteristics of “postmodern” thought and then address how well these traits can carry over to an understanding of Christianity.

I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t looked at the EC movement closely until now. The reading that I’m having to do for a class, as well as some discussions that I’ve had with friends in the past few weeks, have greatly changed my understanding as to what “postmodernism” is and how it as a philosophical ideal can work alongside true Christian faith. While I do think I’ve gotten a better handle on what’s going on, I’ve also had some serious questions (and admittedly, some serious doubts) as to what good “postmodernism” (you’ll notice I’m using quotes; I’ll explain in a bit) can hold for Christian faith.

Foremost in my mind during the writing of this post is the book Colossians Remixed by Walsh and Keesmaat. While I agreed with many of their conclusions, I found them to be reinventing the wheel to use “postmodern” thought to deal with a “postmodern” audience. I’d recommend this book; though not because I agree with what they say, and certainly less with how they say it. I’d recommend it simply because it will make you engage the whole “postmodern” paradigm in a way that will rock your world. Second, I ran across an OU grad here who spent some time in the Philosophy Department there. He has come to the conclusion that many Christians are confused as to what the term “postmodern” refers to; and after reading the aforementioned book, as well as having other discussions, I’d have to agree with him. And with that thought, we will now turn to an academic understanding of what “postmodernism” is characterized by; we’ll also cover why I’m using quotes.

“Postmodernism” didn’t begin in the church; so, for the sake of this discussion, let’s strip any and all religious meanings from this word. We’re going to look at in a pretty academic light. The following points are thoughts of mine, pulled from the book and discussions.

1. Walsh and Keesmaat quote Foucault (one of the French guys who cooked it all up) as saying that “postmodernism” is a “rejection of metanarrative.” Simply put, this means that there is no great story that gives meaning to life. But aside from that, we must not see things in terms of “story.” There is no beginning; there is no end. There is no plot; there is no purpose. We do not share the grand stage of life and time with anyone, because there not only is there no script to act by, there is also no stage to share. We are not marching in a long line of saints because there is no line that matters.

2. Walsh and Keesmaat also pointed out that the idea of objectivism is a fraud. The idea of objective truth is nothing more than a construct created by those in power to reign in the masses and keep everyone in relative lockstep; the masses are easier to control when they believe the same thing. Ultimately, the only ground for truth (and by this I mean personal truth, for there can be no universal) is based in our experiences with others. Any overarching claim to truth represents one attempting to gain control over you and what you believe. Also, any claim to a metanarrative could be construed as the same.

3. Individualistic consumerism seems to be the norm as well; as we continue to become a consumer-based society, we become defined as individuals by what we believe. Just as we move through a shopping mall, buying items individually and taking them home, we do the same in the marketplace of ideas. We borrow one aspect of this view, another piece of that view, some perspective from over here, and weave them into our tapestry of belief. We demand the right to browse, shop, try, and if necessary, return and gain a refund. We are also expected to respect the rights of others to the same.

What I have just described seem to be the highlights of “postmodernism,” so far as I understand it. I have been using quotes because I feel that postmodernism as I have just described it does not correspond with the Christian “postmodernism” so many claim. This point also came out of another discussion. Some Christians seem to have adopted a bastardized halfway-postmodern view to characterize a reactionary movement by some believers today against what are perceived to be modern constructs in the church, tradition, and Biblical interpretation.

And so, in some degree, we can nail down philosophical postmodernism as Foucault was quoted above: the “rejection of metanarrative.” But what about Christian postmodernism? Not so easy. The term “postmodern” in the Christian church today seems to have been grabbed by many groups of people who are frustrated with the church as it is and has been; and so they break away and look for new ways of doing things; therefore, for the rest of this post, I’m going to refer to this phenomenon as “not-modernism.”

Not-modernism seems to be akin to someone shouting “Fire!” inside a crowded shopping mall, and then everyone running for the exits; regardless of whether or not the exits are on opposite ends of the building or directionally opposed to each other, people just want to get out. Where are we going? Not there. Where do we want to be? Not here. How should we do this? Not like that. It’s a massive re-imagining of faith and culture with thousands of visionaries who have rejected the previous methods and beliefs and are under no united banner, except for their avowed dislike of how things have been done.

1. Do not-moderns reject metanarrative? From what I have seen, no; much of the significance of faith seems to come from the fact that across the ages, God has been working on behalf of his people. However, not-moderns also seem to focus on the smaller stories of culture and how these have impacted contemporary understandings of the metanarrative of salvation-history. Just as the grand story is instructive, so are the “mini-narratives” along the way. Sometimes, the mini-narrative of our own lives affect our view more than the meta-narrative; however, the meta-narrative does remain key to the worldview of the individual in some respect, even if it is no more of a backdrop to the mini-narrative.

2. Not-moderns are also frustrated with precise truth claims and struggle with “objective” understandings of how things are; science is done away with, as are other givens taken for granted. Personal experience with other people become the sole ground for truth in a person’s life; therefore, the authority of the Bible and tradition is disregarded and the focus shifts to finding truth in community and in the person of Jesus. Since the end understanding of the truth will not be unanimous, the corporate focus shifts to how you find truth in community, not the truth that you arrive at.

3. Since the focus of truth moved to how you find it (as opposed to what you find), people are free to believe what they will inside of an ever-loosening framework of faith. The community becomes full of accepted people, not because they believe similar things, but because they believe at all and are “idea shopping” within the community. As Book says to Mal in the BDM: “I don’t care what you believe. Just believe in it.”

A strict adherence to postmodernism, in my view, is not compatible with Christian faith.

Not-modernism can be more; however, I am concerned by its vulnerability to social syncretism and it’s lack of focus on holiness (as Brad mentioned in a comment regarding his original post). By its nature, it focuses more on social issues than doctrinal. This is good, but only as long as the long-held doctrinal beliefs fueling the social outworking of gospel are upheld. If these are called into question, I fear for what could result. There seems to be a definite lack of accountability; and while the movement seems to be good in some aspects, one must remember that it is but a baby with no internal checks and balances on its growth.

I look across the centuries of faith and see heroes who stir my faith. I see people who make great declarations of faith and unabashedly praise their Creator. I see people who went to the stake for what they believed; and I look in our own century and see people who are, even in our own time, imprisoned and martyred for their faith. The most recent author I have read who struck the core of my heart goes by the name of C. S. Lewis. Everyone I have read since… I wonder what they believe, and indeed… They don’t seem to know themselves. I respect their struggles; people across the ages have had struggles of belief. However, people in the past have fought to resolve their struggles. I see people now who are content with their questions enough to believe that there is no answer that can be found.

Could a not-modern look an emperor in the eye and say, “Here I stand; I cannot do otherwise?” I really have no idea… It’s a shame that I have to look back decades and centuries to find heroes of the faith that inspire me to go beyond where I am now.

Where have the heroes gone?

The Next Great Spiritual Exercise

2008-03-12T16:01:00.001-07:00

I happened to receive an email from a friend who saw that I had briefly mentioned Kick a Calvinist Day. In light of said person’s request, I’d like to share a bit more information regarding this wonderful event. (I’d also like to say that I did not come up with this on my own; I just saw it on Facebook and ran with it.)

Though Kick a Calvinist Day is still a ways away, there are things you can do now in preparation for this great event. Here are some of my suggestions:

1. Begin to identify Calvinists in your life. Calvinists are not hard to find; while they weary of people challenging their determinist views, they do understand that these encounters were foreordained and must be endured. Just start bringing matters of free will into everyday conversations; the Calvinists will flush themselves out in no time. It’s also a good idea to take note of people who demonstrate an inordinate love for tulips.

2. Once you feel comfortable with the number of Calvinists you’ve discovered, it’s time to move on to Phase Two. Begin to schedule events with these people for July 10th. You may have to use some creativity so as to gain adequate opportunities to kick everyone. For example, if you found 20 Calvinists in your life, don’t meet them individually for coffee; schedule a soccer game instead. You’ve only got a day, after all.

3. Feel free to combine forces with other advocates of free will. The power of numbers can be a strong ally in your goal. With superior forces, you can take on larger situations such as potlucks, church staff meetings, and student rallies at Reformed seminaries.

4. Give it all you’ve got. After all, July 10th comes but once a year.

5. Finally, remember to have fun! And if your conscience gives you a hard time about kicking a determinist, just remember that neither you nor they have any choice in the matter; after all, it was predestined.

If any of you have suggestions for how to make the most out of this great event, let me know! I’d love to hear them.

Emotion Then... And Now.

2008-02-15T18:38:00.000-08:00

Not quite three years ago, I was quite a different person. I was quite the detached soul. But something happened then... I wrote a post on Xanga covering my thoughts. More thoughts; not so much feelings. Didn't really engage what few feelings I had back then. But it was the start of a journey; and so you can know where I'm coming from, here's the post.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Church today was really good. James Bryan Smith, a friend of PJ's, came and spoke to us about heaven. It was a very uplifting message.

It also got me thinking about death, and the passing on of loved ones. Which made me start thinking about love. Which made me start thinking about emotions in general, which is what I'm going to ramble at you about starting... now. Let's go.

Depending on how well you know me (some better than others, obviously) many of you realize that I'm not a hugely emotional guy. I don't get too attached to things or even people sometimes. I cry very rarely. Many people have called me easygoing or laid back. Very rarely do I get upset. And even more rarely do I get to a point where my world is seriously rocked. And because of this, I guess I'm a pretty stable person. Some girls I've talked with over the years envy this.... They also envy the impact (or lack thereof) I make when I step on the bathroom scale, but that's neither here nor there. Let's stay on topic.

It's a well-known fact that guys generally live their lives in one of two moods: "ok" or "mad." I tend to stay in the "ok" world. But when I look around me, I become convinced there's more to life than just being "ok." There's happiness and satisfaction when someone gets a good grade on a paper or test. There is refreshment and gratitude for a good night's rest. There is both pain and love when a little girls falls and scrapes her knee and her mother comes running to cheer her up and tend to her wound. At funerals people weep openly for someone they love, grieving that they are gone but rejoicing that they are in a better place. A boy and a girl walk down the sidewalk holding hands, goofy smiles plastered on their faces. They're living in the acceptance, joy, and love that they bring to the other.

So we live in a world that is awash with brilliant hues of emotion. I've seen even the simplest things evoke an emotional response from other people. I have these things too, but they don't make me feel any particular emotion; they just make me feel "funny." I always feel "funny" when I see a folded paper boat b/c that was a running gag between me and my freshman-year-of-high-school sweetheart. Silver Dollar City makes me feel "funny" b/c of Arnie and Sheree (my youth pastors) and all the old friends I remember when we'd take those trips. And there are more examples. I can't identify the particular emotion that goes along with these things; they just make me feel "funny." Or "weird," if you will. I say "funny" and "weird" b/c I don't experience these feelings on a regular basis.

Here's another example: we've all seen those little red "I Am Loved" pins. Well, I know that I am loved. People tell me that every day. They tell me through words, actions, etc. Even if these people don't go to extreme lengths to demonstrate this, I know that I'd be missed if I gave up the ghost tomorrow. So I know that I'm loved. However... I don't feel it. And there's a difference. Is the only thing that differentiates an acquaintance from a friend the amount of time you've known each other? Doubt it. There's a connection that grows over time, and that's what makes the difference. But I can't put my finger on it. I'm missing the intangible. The thing that makes you thrilled to see certain people, the thing that makes you grieve when they pass on. What is it?

I've come to this conclusion. In our world of emotions that are as varied as the colors of the rainbow, I live in a different world. The world of "ok." The color here is a drab, dull gray. It's boring. I don't like it. I think I'll leave. I've got a life to live, and it's too short to be seen in shades of gray.
Can anyone understand what I'm saying?

Father, please help me to feel...

So whispered my soul almost three years ago. Since then, I have tried to become more self-aware; to take time to feel, to live in how I am, and not stifle the cries of my heart that I cannot understand. I used to see myself as Data or Spock from Star Trek; void of emotion, or at the least, capable of shutting down my feelings in an instant. Such is the life of a guy. When my grandfather passed away, I was the only one not crying at the viewing. My phone rang; a colleague was calling. And while my family shed tears and mourned the death of a patriarch of the family, I cooly stepped outside to discuss "business." I regret that day.

I regret many days.

Things have slowly changed since then; I've been through challenging situations and unique relationships, and now a different Seth sits here typing these words than the one who pleadingly pecked those keys many moons ago.

I can feel, at least to some degree... I become happy over little things. I have great hope for the future. I feel joy, uncertainty, confidence, and fear where I am right now. I have more questions than answers. My relationship with Christ has become less definable and more magical. I have dreams. I have fears. I live in a world that feels glowing with feeling and colors of the rainbow.

There are dark colors too, and one must accept those; for one cannot take the bright colors and exclude the dark. If one loses sadness, they lose the meaning of joy; and both the bright and the dark must be exchanged for a world of gray. I've lived there. It's not worth living there.

Unfortunately, trading in the gray for the colors also meant trading in my answers for questions. Instead of stability, now I must live with uncertainty and adventure. But now as I look at it...

This is the kind of life I was meant to live; a live forced to rely on faith and trust. A life that can feel. 21-year-old Seth looks forward to this time and thanks God; 24-year-old Seth looks back and thanks God.

For I sit here, with a lump in my throat and tears welling in my eyes for reasons I don't even know. I just know I got my wish.

And I am grateful.

A Couple of Ashy Thoughts...

2008-02-06T20:51:00.000-08:00

So today was Ash Wednesday. Over the past couple of years, my interest in the ancient traditions of the church has grown considerably. I was happy last year to participate in a Saturday Night service where the ashes were imposed upon those who were willing; however, I went to a real Ash Wednesday service this year. It even happened on a Wednesday!

Imagine that.

It was neat to experience a service dedicated fully to reflection, repentance, communion, and the imposition of the ashes. While the United Methodists maintained a certain informality of the service, I was impressed by the weight given to the occasion.

We prayed an opening prayer, sang a hymn, and then read Isaiah 53:1-12. (Which is a flippin' amazing passage; the predominant OT passage that speaks of Jesus and his mission in the world. Go read it. It's okay. I'll wait for you.) Then the minister delivered a message which incorporated Matthew 6:19-21; as the ashes remind us that we are but earth, and to earth we must return, so must we be focused on things not of this world and to place our value in those things. Then we did a call-and-response reading of Psalm 51. The minister thanked God for the ashes, a reminder of our fallenness and corruptibility, and then we participated in a piece of liturgy known as The Great Thanksgiving. (Look at the words here.) After that, we approached the rail as we felt led and received communion; there was no rush to pray and move on, we were allowed to linger and pray at the front as much as we pleased. Once finished with communion, one could pause in front of the minister at the end of the rail and receive the imposition of the ashes upon their forehead or their right hand. When all had finished, we received a simple benediction.

A couple of thoughts occurred to me that I'd like to share.

The first was that the ashes were made in the sign of the cross on a person. And everyone's cross looked different; some were well-defined, while others were no more than a smudge. I caught myself wondering what my cross looked like (since I had received it on the forehead, I didn't know). As time passed though, I marveled that even though all of our crosses were different, they were all still crosses; my cross may not look like anyone else's. That's okay; it's my cross, and I am the only one to bear it. God has called us all to different paths in life, and we all will carry our crosses differently from one another; we cannot do otherwise. However, this does not change the fact that we do, and must, carry our cross. As G. K. Chesterton is fond of pointing out, the cross as a shape is a contradiction. It is constantly at odds with itself, a paradox. One may favor the circle for its consistency and its completeness instead of the stark collision of the cross. However, the circle cannot grow beyond itself; the cross stretches beyond all that can grow. The circle can only expand and include; the cross can challenge and penetrate. The circle cannot imprison the cross. The cross is an ever-present reminder of the horizontal relationship that we are to have with others and the vertical relationship that we are to have with God; and Jesus was crucified at its center so that the paradox could become reality. As followers of The Way, let us not forget to be cross-minded; let our lives be stark collisions of Heaven and Earth as we pursue Christ.

The second thing that struck me was that the words that the minister spoke as I received the cross: "Repent, and hear the Gospel." These are not the normal words spoken as one receives the imposition; however, I was not aware of this until later. I was more interested in the order of the words. Don't we hear the Gospel, and then repent? Logically, this seems to be what we must do; however, the words and their order shed a new light on the Christian faith. The Gospel does not end with repentance; indeed, repentance opens the door for one to receive, and continue receiving the Gospel. The Gospel is more than repentance; so much more. There's love, and forgiveness, and challenge, and faith, and trials, and hope, and... And the cross! I get excited just thinking about it. Repentance is but one part of the story that the Gospel weaves into and out of our lives. Let us continue to let the Gospel impact and challenge us in ways that we have not experienced before.

And now, the words that one would normally during the imposition of the ashes. Let us remember them during the next 40 days as we prepare our hearts to celebrate the Resurrection of Christ:

Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.
Turn away from sin and be faithful to Christ.

Amen.

Recommended Reading for this post: The Ball and the Cross by G. K. Chesterton

The Bourne Supremacy? Supreme, Indeed.

2008-01-12T18:51:00.000-08:00

So I have just spent the past four and a half hours sitting in a rather uncomfortable chair in an isolated dorm room, thanks to one Robert Ludlum.

"Mr. Ludlum: Thank you for writing such wicked awesome books. However, I am writing to ask you to stop. I feel that my chances of engaging the rest of society and eventually getting married would be higher were there less of your stellar literature on the market. I trust that such a move would not endanger your livelihood, as you must be rolling in the benjamins. All good things must come to an end. Thanks for understanding. Your fan, Seth."

I bought my first copy of The Bourne Supremacy over Christmas Break from a Barnes & Noble in Tulsa. It proved to be an excellent read until page 344. Mainly because it jumped straight to page 393. I loved the book, but I couldn't drop 50 pages of material and just keep going... So I put the book on indefinite hold. A couple of weeks later, I was shopping in a Kroger here in 'Tucky (Krogers are awesome, btw; you're jealous, even if you don't know it) and chanced across the book aisle. I saw a copy of the same book and proceeded to quality check it; and since this volume contained the missing pages, I added it to my purchase.

A friend here in the dorm commented that he hadn't read the books; that was why they made movies! I wanted to beat him with my defective copy. The Bourne movies are not like the books; as with so many movies, there's simply no way to squeeze it all in. Especially the way Ludlum writes.

Anyway, the book was simply riveting; I couldn't put it down. Great story.

The movies are quite a departure from the books; and understandably so. There's too much happening to make a good movie. However, the movies make me sad because they focus on the action. Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of action. But the underlying themes of the book are lost; the struggle of a man trying to find his true nature, and the desperate battle of a husband and a wife to be reunited though all the powers of earth stand in their way. These elements at their pure, soul-rending level seem to be lost. The Bourne movies are good, and I'd recommend them; but in the same breath, I'd recommend the books even more highly. Check 'em out, kids; you won't be disappointed.

On Movies

2007-12-28T14:15:00.000-08:00

So I was having dinner with one Mark Burleson a few nights ago, and he mentioned that my blog was looking rather stale. He didn't use those words, but the word "stale" was what came to mind when I glanced at my own site.

October? Geez.

I have blogged on another site, Atypical Spirituality, so most of my thoughts during the past part of the semester have wound up there, either in post or comment form.

So shortly after Mark pointed out the underwhelming absence of fresh material, I attended a holiday movie marathon put on by a couple of other friends of mine. If you know me, you know I'm not a movie person. I don't think that movies promote social interaction; if I want to see people, I'll make plans to hang out with them instead of watching pictures flit across a screen while they happen to be sitting next to me. I can watch a movie just as well by myself as I can with a myriad of friends; generally speaking, there are better ways to get to know said friends than a movie.

I also have to deal with movies in a different sense; again, if you know me, you know that I'm not an overwhelmingly emotional person. But for some reason, movies can break into that side of my psyche like nothing else. I get sympathy pains when I see a person get injured on the screen. The struggles of the characters, be they emotional or physical, take on a life of their own; and so, their journey of toil and travail becomes my journey of empathy.

Example: Early this year, I saw The Prestige with a girl I was dating. It had been a fabulous night; we both were excited about the film. However, when it was over, my world had been rocked; the amount of personal pain that the characters had gone through had put me through hell as well. She wanted to discuss the movie, to engage it; I just wanted to crawl into a corner and brood.

That movie hurt.

And many that I watch do, in different ways. This is also part of why I don't watch movies that often; I don't enjoy being tweaked in ways I don't understand.

There's another side to this coin, too; I have movies that I love. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. The Truman Show. The LotR films. Tombstone. Gladiator. It's a Wonderful Life. And, of course, the Firefly episodes. Some of these movies don't hit me as hard as others; others put me into a positive emotional state. Few things grab my heart like seeing Aragorn and Arwen finally together or George Bailey on a snow-covered bridge, crying out: "I want to live again... Please let me live again."

I've heard it said that guys watch movies because of what they are shown; girls watch them because of how the movies make them feel. I understand that this is a vast, sweeping generalization; it just makes me wonder.

Before the previously mentioned movie marathon, I didn't really understand the heart-warming aspect of films. However, watching three in a row produced such a tidal wave of warm fuzzies that I had to sit and deal with them. Is this why a movie becomes a classic? Maybe; maybe not. I don't claim to know why such things happen, and I don't want to try and figure it out.

I'm not sure that after this experience I'll make movies more a part of my life; however, I think I am now able to appreciate such films a little bit more.

Thoughts From the Middle of a Cloud

2007-10-24T11:25:00.001-07:00

So here I am sitting at 32k ft up in the air, reading GK Chesterton. He had just finished describing one of the reasons he came to find that he believed orthodoxy; one of those reasons involved the magic of the universe.

``My first and last philosophy, that which I believe in with unbroken certainty, I learnt in the nursery. I generally learnt it from a nurse; that is, from the solemn and star-appointed priestess at once of democracy and tradition. The things I believed most then, the things I believe most now are the things called fairy tales, they seem to me to be the entirely reasonable things. The are not fantasies: compared with them other things are fantastic. Compared with them religion and rationalism are both abnormal, though religion is abnormally right and rationalism abnormally wrong. Fairyland is nothing but the sunny country of common sense. It is not earth that judges heaven, but heaven that judges earth; so for me at least it was not earth that criticized elfland, but elfland that criticized the earth. I knew the magic beanstalk before I had tasted beans; I was sure of the Man in the Moon before I was certain of the moon. This was at one with all popular tradition. Modern minor poets are naturalists, and talk about the bush or the brook; but the singers of the old epics and fables were supernaturalists, and talked about the gods of brook and bush. That is what the moderns mean when they say that the ancients did not “appreciate nature,” because they said that Nature was divine. Old nurses do not tell children about the grass, but about the fairies that dance on the grass; and the old Greeks could not see the trees for the dryads.
But I deal here with what ethic and philosophy come from being fed on fairy tales. If I were describing them in detail I could note many noble and healthy principles that arise from them. There is the chivalrous less of “Jack the Giant Killer”; that giants should be killed because they are gigantic. It is a manly mutiny against pride as such. For the rebel is older than all the kingdoms, and the Jacobin has more tradition than the Jacobite. There is the lesson of “Cinderella,” which is the same as that of the Magnificat = exaltavit humiles. There is the great lesson of “Beauty and the Beast”; that a thing must be loved before it is loveable. There is the terrible allegory of the “Sleeping Beauty,” which tells how the human creature was blessed with all birthday gifts, yet cursed with death; and how death also may perhaps be softened to a sleep. But I am not concerned with any of the separate statutes of elfland, but with the whole spirit of its law, which I learnt before I could speak, and shall retain when I cannot write. I am concerned with a certain way of looking at life, which was created in me by the fairy tales, but has since been meekly ratified by the mere facts.”

Thanks, Gilbert. Flying has always excited me but for different reasons. When I was young, it was because it scared me. Close quarters; loud noises; strange people; sudden jarring movements. Terrified the whole flight because of some primeval fear that God would drop the plane. Then I went to school and learned things; dumb things. Things like Bernoulli’s Principle and “laws” of flight. Reason drains the joy and the mystery of things; earlier in Orthodoxy, Gilbert said something to the effect of the only madmen being the completely logical people. Every normal person has a touch of the madman in them, and that is what keeps them sane.

So call me a madman, but flying is still magical. I know there are so-called laws that govern such things, but I say phooey on them. If the laws were really all that awesome, they wouldn’t let the frisbee come down to earth; the arms of science would hold me in the air after a flying leap. But the same laws that dictate that the plane remains aloft also dictate that I plummet back down after I attempt to do what the plane does.

Stupid laws.

For some people, there is nothing magical about this. There is nothing mysterious about it. What goes up must come down; some things just come down slower than others.

Stupid people.

The plane is magical because it stares the laws in the eye and says, “I’m calling the shots here. I defy your law of gravity; let it do it’s worst! I’ll take the air and atmosphere that cannot hold a man aloft and walk upon it like it is solid ground. And even before you had laws to explain it, birds and others of my kind were tiptoeing across the clouds long before you had any idea as to how we could.”

The law of gravity was broken, so new laws had to be made to explain the miracle away. And the bumblebee came along and winked at the new laws; then it chuckled and flew against the face of reason.

To me, few things are as exciting as taking off in a plane. If you and I ever chance to fly together, watch my face during takeoff. (That is, if my face isn’t plastered against the window so I can watch the ground fall away.) Chances are, you’ll see me smile; I can’t help myself. How many people across the centuries wished they could be doing what I am right now? How many attempts were made so once, just once, could man thumb his nose at nature and say, “Ha! Beat that”? And then when we finally did, flying lost it’s shininess after a while. It’s just like jumping in a car and driving, which at first glance seems pretty commonplace. Did you ever stop to think about how amazing it is that you can easily drive in five minutes to a place that it would take you an hour to walk to?

Planes and cars aren’t the rule; they’re the exception. The world is full of such mystery. It makes no sense. I can’t fly; but with the help of superpowers, a winged dragon, an airplane, or a magic potion I can. All the fuddy-duddies who believe in rules and laws might say that an airplane doesn’t belong in that list; I say that it does, and the only reason they’re crying about it is because they haven’t found proper chains of science to shackle the other three.

The world is far more mystical than we care to admit. And certainly more magical than we are comfortable with.

The Orthodox Experience

2007-09-10T19:13:00.000-07:00

So this past Sunday, I had the pleasure of visiting an Eastern Orthodox Church. It was a challenging experience. This blog will not cover all of my thoughts and questions regarding the experience; I also know that were I less ignorant, many of my questions would be answered. Here we go.

I was content to sit and observe the service. I didn't venerate the icons, I didn't cross myself, and they didn't let me take communion because I wasn't a member. All these things kinda marked me as a visitor. I mean, when everyone else is bowing and you're still standing up, you're kinda hard to miss. That being said, the orthodox do a great job of making people feel welcomed; even though I clearly didn't have a clue as to what as going on, there was no "outsider" feeling like there is in so many other churches. At the community meal after service, they made me go to the front of the line as the guest. It was a very humbling experience. Amazing people; the presence of God was evident in the interactions and in the service as well.

It was a very positive experience. I've never been to an orthodox church before. My only experience thus far has been the Greek Festival that the Greek Orthodox church puts on back home. It was a far cry from my roots in the United Methodist Church, and certainly nothing like TLC. However, the presence of God was there just the same, and I'm very glad I got to go.

And then I started to think about it. Their forms of worship, alien though they may have seemed to me, had been around longer than anything I had experienced previously. They had survived the test of time. And I also wondered, will people still be pressing their foreheads to icons centuries after the guitar has fallen out of favor with contemporary worship leaders? Will Scripture still be chanted after Powerpoint slides have become a thing of the past? In the Emergent community, people seem to focus on the changing culture and the fact that the church must change with it. However, this experience flew in the face of that thought.

It wasn't comfortable; it wasn't seeker-friendly. And somehow, I respected it all the more for being not.

But, all that being said, I don't think I could make the jump and convert. My theology doesn't line up. The theology that has been around for hundreds of years... And yeah, I don't understand much of it because I don't understand the tradition that upholds the theology. But why can't women minister? Why is Mary a big deal? How is venerating an icon worshiping God? And why is it important that Mary never had sex, and honestly, who cares if she did? Why must I seek Mary's help in chasing after relationship with the Father when Jesus is the only intermediate that the Scriptures state that I need? Or why do I need any other saint's help for that matter? Why must we chant the liturgy? What's wrong with reading it? Why must we chant the Scripture reading? What's wrong with reading that? And what's up with the whole "ancestors of God" deal?

Another thing that struck me about this church... I probably heard about half an hour of announcements. In those announcements, 10 minutes dealt with upcoming feast days, celebrations, and small groups. 20 minutes dealt with their budgeting for the upcoming year and church officer elections. There was no mention of any sort of community/social justice activity or cause.

Theology notwithstanding... Dealbreaker.

People should go. We should know our roots. But we also should also be cognizant of the fact that we can't freeze time. Apparently the only thing that the Orthodox church has changed is the wording of the liturgy and whether or not the initiate must kiss the priest's hand when he takes the censer from him.

It was a good experience... But I'm still looking.

Too Many Friends...

2007-06-29T22:18:00.001-07:00

Somewhere between the Drillers game and the Dilbert game tonight, I came upon a realization. (While I was eating a Kudo bar. Those things inspire realization.) I've got too many friends and I can't keep them all happy.

Take tonight for instance. Earlier in the week, I had set up plans to play Dilbert with friends from church. The going-away party for the China team was tonight. A friend was playing a concert in BA. My LifeGroup wanted to move our next meeting to tonight. Another friend's birthday was tonight and plans were in the works for a Drillers game.

Count 'em, people! 5 things all asking for my time on a Friday. Dilbert had some priority because it was the first thing planned. Going-away party had to sit on the back burner. Concert in BA was nixed because I didn't hear about it until this morning. LifeGroup was shot down because I already had plans, though I said they could meet without me. I carved out the first half of my evening before Dilbert and made plans to hang out with them at Drillers Stadium, at least for a while.

I stood up and walked out of Drillers Stadium with the shouts of my friends telling me to sit back down ringing in my ears. At least the Dilbert people didn't bug me for being late.

I counted today; 73 days before I hit the road for school. 20 before I leave for Colorado. 29 until I return from Colorado. Roughly 40 days between Colorado and Wilmore. At this point, every moment with friends counts. So many friends... Old friends that I haven't seen in a while that I want to see one more time before I go. Friends that have been in the trenches with me for the past several years. Friends from church that are my coworkers, but my buddies as well. And a few random people that don't really fit into any of these categories.

I want to see them all.

But I can't!! Damn it, I can't. In my efforts, some people will get ignored so I can see others. It's inevitable. There's nothing I can do about that. I have to make some relationships suffer to keep up with others. It's a sick game, and I just can't win.

So how will things be when I leave? Will I have a myriad of almost-friends? Will I have a tight circle of good, close friends? Does it even matter?

I feel like I'm trying to hang onto a fistful of sand... It's all slowly slipping away, and the harder I squeeze the more grains fall out. Eventually, I'll just look at where a pile used to be and see a few grains remaining... I suppose that's inevitable.

I don't want to let my friends go... Just a few weeks back, I wrote a post begging them to hang on to me. What do you do? I don't know...

I can't. I just can't.

Thoughts Regarding Napping Upon Trampolines

2007-06-17T21:52:00.000-07:00

You should try it.

This afternoon, I had the most singular experience. I was able to slip the surly bonds of existence and relax in a state of tranquil bliss unlike anything I have experienced.

Okay, so I really just took a nap on the trampoline in the backyard, but it sure felt great. I would highly recommend the experience.

It all started as a whim; I was just going to lay down and stare at the trees while my laundry was finishing up. I caught up my iced tea in one hand, a large fistful of Sunday-style-sleepiness in the other, and kicked back on top of a rather large black circle.

The sky was a little cloudy, so the sun wasn't too bright. The air was just a tad breezy, so the bugs were staying away. Surrounded by the wonder of nature, I stared upward. Towards the blue sky gleefully mottled with clouds. Towards the treetops gently swaying in the wind.

I took off my long-sleeved shirt and rolled it up under my head; it would make a decent pillow. I relaxed and let the wind play with my hair. I don't remember much after that.

Until I woke up. The sun had come out and was endeavoring to bake the trampoline, as well as it's occupant. Some bug had tried to eat my hand, but fortunately found the task a bit too daunting. My iced tea was unfortunately no longer iced.

However, the experience remained great. I think I'll do it again.

Comedy at the Crib

2007-06-06T15:08:00.000-07:00

So Saturday Night Coordinator's meeting took place this week during the noon hour on Wednesday, as it always does. We met at Rib Crib. I'm not sure why exactly things transpired as they did, but it sure was worth a laugh.

Eddie, Brad, and myself were sitting before the meeting in the group room, shooting the breeze. In the middle of this conversation, a Rib Crib employee flew past the group room door shouting, "CODE YELLOW! Heads up!! We're going CODE YELLOW!!"

The three of us paused our conversation to gawk at the hole in the space-time continuum that the urgent employee had just left. I wondered out loud what the deuce "Code Yellow" actually meant.

Are terrorists attacking? Is it someone's birthday? Did someone find the Virgin Mary enshrined in the coleslaw? Did the giant vat of mustard in the kitchen finally run dry?

Alas, we shall never know.

After this odd moment had passed and normal conversation resumed, a surprisingly sudden wave of loud music assaulted our eardrums. The noise was enough to prohibit normal conversation, so I excused myself to resolve the issue.

There just so happened to be a meeting of employees outside the group room door. I'm not sure why they were there; perhaps they were defining the precise meaning of "Code Yellow." I approached the one who looked the most like the manager, and requested that the music be turned off.

In pig latin.

I'm not sure why I resorted to a dead language hailing from the forgotten and bygone days of middle school. All I know is that it came without thought and that I felt proud of my eloquence. "Ixnay on the usicmay." Perfectly understandable! Concise, clear, and even slightly comedic. It never crossed my mind that there may be people who have successfully resisted the persistent efforts of irrelevant culture making inroads into their psyche during the formative years of junior high.

However, today I ran across such a specimen who could not appreciate, much less comprehend, my mastery of early teenage communication. My astuteness was received with a blank stare broken by a slightly twitching eyebrow.

Fortunately, our waitress happened to be standing nearby. An obvious pillar of understanding, she grasped my request and speedily resolved the issue. I bet she also figured out what "Code Yellow" meant. Sharp young lady.

After these events, our meeting continued unhindered. I did have to resist the urge to call out "Code (insert random adjective here)!!"

I wonder how next week will go.

Cold, Hard Facts

2007-06-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

At coffee last Wednesday:

Preston: "Have you ever found in your group of honors program friends that even though they are advanced intellectually, they might be stunted in emotional development or social skills?"

Me: "Oh, yes. We're all slightly crazy."

Friends Are Friends For What?

2007-05-22T21:48:00.000-07:00

Over the past several weeks, I've been getting ready to go to another place. In the latter half of August, I will load my belongings into a red Honda Civic named Roxie and meander across our great nation. This trek will deposit me in Wilmore, Kentucky for at least the next two years of my existence.

So where does that leave my relationships here? In many interesting places. Some people seem to have dealt with the idea; we can laugh and joke about me moving on. Some people seem to ignore the fact and would prefer not to address it. Others could care less.

And others, in an odd twist of fate, seem to be in the process of slowly writing me off. Letting the relationship wane and die. That when I drive down I-44 into the sunrise, I will fade out of existence. Just like I faded out of their minds sometime before I actually left.

Somehow, I feel like my friends are dying off long before I'd like them to. Maybe it's the constant of shift that plagues my every step. Maybe it's just how I perceive the gang this summer. Maybe things have been off ever since Aimee and I broke up, and
I just can't bounce back from that. Maybe it's the fact that the clock is ticking on everything I do, and I'm trying to pack as much as I can into the little time I've got left; and I can only be disappointed, because I can't get everything done. I don't know.

All I know is that I feel like Marty McFly; looking at pictures of the gang, and slowly seeing myself fade into nothing. Complete obscurity.

In the Hebrew culture, after you died, your memory was your afterlife. A life forgotten was the worst hell; a life remembered was the greatest heaven.

It's almost like I'm watching myself slowly be damned.

And the funny thing is, with so little time left, some of my relationships have come alive. Other people seem to share this desire to have meaningful interactions before I leave, and go out of their way to try and make those things happen. I thank God for friends like these.

And now... For some reason, I'm not scared to build friendships in the time I've got left. Some people, I'm just starting to become friends with them. And I will miss them, but I'll be glad that I knew them instead of standing by and watching them float out of my life.

To those who are still taking the time to be in the trenches with me: I love you guys more than you know. Don't think that it all ends in August.

And to those who are fading: Please don't give up on me yet.

Don't give up on me ever.

Flashmobs, Father Brown, Fighting Tectonic Shift, and Friggin' Long Walks

2007-05-17T14:45:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting day yesterday. I can't even remember the proper order for all these events, so I guess you'll just get them in order of relative impression.

I saw a guy with a shirt that passionately encouraged me to "Fight Tectonic Shift" and to "Restore Panagea." On his back was a graphic of the aforementioned supercontinent. When he turned around, the shirt also proclaimed that the wearer was, in some form or fashion, connected with the Oklahoma State University Geology Department.

I wonder if Pistol Pete has a degree in geology. Go Pokes!

As I was making the turn to get onto I-44, I saw that a man of African-American heritage had felt the need to exit his vehicle whilst at a stoplight and dance upon the median. In the split second I had to ponder him, I noticed the inordinately large, self-possessed smile he carried on his countenance. Seems that he was having a great time.

Man. I should try that sometime.

After dropping off my tennis racquet to be strung, I ambled down the sidewalk to the local Barnes & Noble. I discovered, to my great joy, that they had a volume of Father Brown detective stories. This line of stories was written by my author of choice, G. K. Chesterton, and is comprised of many short stories, similar to the style of the shorter Sherlock Holmes narratives. I would rate Father Brown as Sherlock Holmes' equal in intelligence, if not his superior. (Perhaps not a fair comparison, but ah well.) However, Brown is as humble and unassuming as Holmes is vain and arrogant. Holmes, while always doggedly tracking down the scent of a clue, remains sharp and focused. Brown, while just as determined, casts an air of being aloof, disconnected, and prone to making observations and comments that seemingly have nothing to do with the matter at hand, but always bring him home to the perpetrator. Perhaps the most striking difference between the two is that Holmes is a free agent; he will turn criminals over to the authorities as he sees fit, or will release them if he judges that they can do no more harm. Brown is a Catholic priest; and Chesterton, in an interesting twist, brings the climax of the story in the criminal's confession of their sin to the sharp-witted man of the cloth. The focus is not on the bringing of the criminal to justice; instead, the emphasis lies on the criminal's reconciliation to God.

Interesting.

Finally, I took a walk last night. It was a nice walk; I had always passed this trailhead around 101st and Garnett, and wondered where it went. Last night I found out. It follows the turnpike. It was a lovely walk, and I got kinda carried away. I followed the trail to Elm and the Creek Turnpike, and then turned around and walked back. About 7 miles, all told. It was nice; fireflies were out, there was a nice breeze. If I could ignore the pavement under my feet and the highway over my shoulder, I would have thought I was in the country. My legs kinda hurt today, but it was time well spent.

And in light of all that.... I can't help but believe God looks down on his kids and smiles.

Ehhhh... So Now What?

2007-05-12T14:08:00.000-07:00

Well, graduation was this past week. Not for me, but for several friends of mine. Hard to believe I've been out in the world for a year.

Dang, I feel old.

Anyway, it's struck me how my friends are dealing with questions of faith. Because questions they do have. After four years of ORU, four years of being in the bubble, four years of Christian environment, these people suddenly find themselves graduated from the bubble. They also find themselves very able to function within a bubble, but they also find that the bubble, for the most part, has failed to answer their questions; or even worse, they find that the bubble has failed to be relevant to where they are in life.

Ouch.

So I've got friends that are struggling. Some are pursuing more orthodox expressions of faith. Some are pursuing less orthodox ways of belief. Some have no idea what they are pursuing, but hoping they'll recognize it when they find it; and still others have given up the pursuit of anything at all.

Part of this makes sense. I've taken the year off this past year, and it's been hell. More than enough to cause me to question God. In every way. Whether or not He loves me, He cares, or if He even exists. I had to fight through this stuff.

So now, several months and many arguments with the ceiling later, here I sit. Still a believer. And I can say that God does care. He does love. And He certainly does exist. He is faithful. And though I have walked through trials and pain that I do not wish to see again, I can see God's hand holding mine through it all.

But somehow, though I remain convinced of God and the rightness of my belief, I also sympathize with my friends who are struggling. You have to grapple; you have to fight. You have to make it your own.

I also wish that they didn't have to do that. It hurts. My friends, people I'd dive in front of traffic for, thinking of leaving the church. For what? I don't know... But they do, I guess. Is that really necessary, I ask myself (because I don't have the guts to ask them)? Is it because something else is shiny and grabs their attention? Or is the problem not with the belief system, but perhaps in the believer? Perhaps it is time to be stretched, to grow?

What changed? Why doesn't it work anymore? If God's been distant, who's been running away? And will changing churches, or even faiths, fix anything? Will renouncing faith fix anything?

It may sound like I'm encouraging blind belief. Please understand, I'm not. I'm encouraing questions. I'm encouraging fighting for truth, wherever that may be found. But I'm also wondering why somehow running from God, or evangelical Christianity, or whatever, will fix wherever one is at and provide answers to their questions.

I'm scared for my friends. Who knows where they will wind up? I don't. I just have to put them in God's hands, and trust Him to hold them, as He has done me.

I Think Somehow I Missed It.

2007-05-03T22:17:00.000-07:00

I had a rather singular experience today. A girl, about my own age, stopped by selling magazine subscriptions. Her goal? She was trying to earn enough points to get a trip to Rome. She asked if she could sit, so I invited her in. I got her a glass of water.

I sat down and flipped through what she was offering while we talked about movies... Apparently she's a big fan of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Anyway, I didn't see anything I wanted. She did a great job of trying to identify my interests, but honestly... I'm not a big magazine guy. We got into the age-old Sean Connery vs. Johnny Depp debate for a minute, and then I told her that I didn't see anything I was interested in. I stood up and took my own now-empty glass into the kitchen.

I came back in the living room and wished her the best; that I hoped all would go well and that her trip would be great. I also apologized for not helping her out. She said that was okay; that I had that look about me.

"The look of a loser?" I joked.

"No..." She paused and silently considered me for a moment. "...The look of someone who wouldn't give me anything."

And after a few more pleasantries, she went on.

Ouch. Here I am, ORU t-shirt and all. I had told her I was in Biblical Studies. I may as well have "Christian" written on my forehead. A trip to Rome would have been fun... I've been overseas, and it's a blast. I could have helped her. I could have taken some time and found out her story. By Christian standards, she wasn't someone you'd spend time with; cigarette smoke pungently evident on her person, the Playboy bunny featured prominently on her purse. But I could have done something. Even if I didn't want a magazine, I could have given her a check for the trip. I could have prayed for her. Something.

As she walked out the door, I couldn't help but feel that somehow I blew it. I've always been a soft touch for salespeople. Sob stories in parking lots will empty my wallet. This past year, I've developed a thicker skin. Or maybe I just don't care as much.

But what's the big deal? She was selling magazines... I didn't want any... Case closed. I shouldn't feel bad.

In a few weeks, I plan to send out sponsorship letters for my upcoming studies at Asbury. Very different, some would say. Others would say not so different. I couldn't help but being struck by the similarities.

What could I have done?

Welcome to... The Church of Bastards.

2007-04-25T22:22:00.000-07:00

Quote from before coordinator's meeting today I just had to pass on...

Context: Preston, Brad, and I are sitting around, discussing the Farkle tournament and awaiting the arrival of the other coordinators.

Me: "...And then she muttered, "Bastard!" and passed the dice on."
Preston: "Speaking of bastards, where is everyone?"

Priceless!

A Small Glimpse of Love...

2007-04-23T17:14:00.000-07:00

Over the course of the past few weeks, I have had the most oddly profound thing happen to me. A couple of months ago, a wonderful girl and I started dating. It was an amazing time. Positive emotions all around. And then this thing of beauty ended. I don't regret the experience at all. A wonderful month with a wonderful girl. However, breakups mean pain. Loss. Grief. And through a process I don't understand, these things have taken on a beauty of their own. I don't wish to block these things out. They are part of the experience of life. They add depth; they bring a certain sincerity, a marked wholeness to life that would not be there otherwise. I choose to walk through these things, knowing that these things are not to be avoided, but instead experienced and lived. Just as much as any happy experience. It's all necessary; happiness would be meaningless without sadness to make it great. There would be no healing in sadness if happiness could not come out of it.

So that's where I am. Thus is the backstory for what you're about to read.

The concept of love has always been a foreign one to me. It never made sense. I knew it was something awesome, but I couldn't tell you what it felt like. I had no idea what it meant to love my neighbor, much less the Creator of the universe. I could serve my neighbor; I could jump in front of traffic for my neighbor, but did I love my neighbor?

Nyehh, couldn't tell ya. Same thing with God.

Until recently... I may have a clue now. When I was dating this marvelous young lady, it was my honor and privilege to do things for her. Open the door for her. Have a rose sitting at her place at the table on Valentine's Day. Slip chocolate bars in her book bag when she wasn't looking. Sit with her in silence when she didn't want to say a word. Pick up the phone in the wee hours of the morning when she needed someone to talk to. Take time out of my day, every day, just to see her and let her know that I cared about her. If she had asked, I would have done anything. Grabbed a calendar and some scissors and made Spring come tomorrow. Bought her a sleepy, fuzzy puppy to pet while she did her studies. I would have spun the world on my finger like a basketball if it would have made her day better.

And she was worth it. All of it. Why? Because she was my girl. It wasn't my duty to do those things. It was my honor. My joy. There was nothing else I'd rather be doing than making her day better. She meant that much to me.

And maybe... Just maybe...

We mean that much to God.

Maybe even more. God does spin the earth like a basketball. He paints the skies every day. He gave me everything that I have; nothing did not come from Him. If there is any reason that I had a good day, it's because God made it so. If there is any reason that I did not stop dead in my tracks today, it's because God kept me walking.

"Jesus Christ, what more could He have done for you?"

He has done everything. And He can do more. Not because of anything I've done, or anything I will do. Because He loves me that much. Because I'm his kid.

Because He said so.

It's hard to explain... God is giving himself to us all the time. He wants to. He desires a relationship. Every day, he pulls out all the stops of the universe just for us. He doesn't have to.

He wants to.

Maybe this is a part of what love is. I'm not sure I've done love justice in this post. I'm not even sure if I've done God justice in these paragraphs. But I do know that God loves me and shows me in ways beyond my imagination.

If you want to stop reading here, you've got my permission. Go have a cookie or something. No hard feelings; see ya next time.

This is a poem/song I wrote when this realization hit. It's not the greatest thing ever, but it captured the moment. Maybe you can pull something out of it too.

I painted the sky today
Every shade of white and blue
And sent a light breeze on its way
Just so I could touch you
I spun the earth and placed the stars
And pulled the moon a little bit closer
So when the sun falls, falling star
The night would be perfect and last forever

All these things I'd do for you
My favorite, my only
So much more if you'd ask me to
My beautiful, my lovely
I am yours

Everything around us here
What can I do for you?
Anything you ask, my dear
Because it's my pleasure to
Pick up the phone at 2AM
Listen to your heart cry
Race to you as fast as I can
Hold you; you are mine

If I had one second left
To do anything I wished
I would spend my dying breath
Just to let you know
I am yours

4-16-07

Something About Beauty...

2007-03-28T17:00:00.000-07:00

"This is the position we are in when confronted by beauty. The world is full of beauty, but the beauty is incomplete. Our puzzlement about what beauty is, what it means, and what (if anything) it is there for is the inevitable result of looking at one part of a larger whole. Beauty, in other words, is another echo of a voice - a voice which (from the evidence before us) might be saying one of several things, but which, were we to hear it in all its fullness, would make sense of what we presently see and hear and know and love and call 'beautiful.'"

Simply Christian
by N. T. Wright

To me, this section raises the question if we are able to fully apprehend/comprehend, or even appreciate, beauty. Wright seems to be saying that if we could see beauty in its fullness, then we could fully grasp it. But I'd like to raise the question:

Can we do that?

When we see beauty, many times we do not ponder its incompleteness - we try to appreciate it, however we may do that. It may not be until some time later that we realize its incompleteness for the first time. And when we do, the object itself becomes no less beautiful. We just understand it more fully.

And can we understand enough to find the missing ingredient that will make us appreciate and know beauty to its fullest? I don't think so. It doesn't seem to be a matter of understanding. At this point, the awesomeness of beauty is in just that - awesome being: "Extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear." Beauty can be all of these things. Which makes me realize:

Beauty is bigger than us.

I can only handle it in small doses. Anything more would make my head explode. I simply cannot take beauty in its completeness.

But oh my, what a gorgeous explosion it would be...

On That Funny Thing I Feel In The Morning

2007-03-25T15:43:00.000-07:00

Maybe you feel it too. Have you ever opened your eyes to a feeling of great expectation, mixed in with a small dose of joyous dread? Kinda like when you were a child, perhaps. Think back to Christmas morning. You were excited because you were going to get presents. Nothing could be better. You were also just a tad worried that you weren't going to get what you asked for. Maybe Auntie Matilda had a nasty habit of getting you monogrammed hankies every year instead of giving you a gift card to the nearest retailer who sold various and sundry wicked awesome items, and you're a tad concerned that she failed to pick up on your thinly veiled hints for the fifth year in a row. But that's probably okay, because she's not the only one giving you presents. Hopefully.

But you get the idea. Something big is going to happen today. I can't put my finger on what it is. It's probably good. It's possibly bad. But I'm expecting something. Looking over my shoulder, trying to figure out what comes next. Going into situations with a feeling of shaking the box and trying to guess what's inside. Rather on edge, but in a good way.

So that's the feeling. Let's push things a bit further.

Let's suppose that every day is Christmas Day. You wake up expecting something. The tree is set up, there's snow on the ground, carols are playing on the radio, the calendar confirms that today is indeed December 25th. And you jump out of bed, sprint down the stairs, and crash-land in the living room, where you find...

Wicked awesome presents? Every once in a while. Bad presents? Occasionally. Lumps of coal? More than I'd like, but not more than I'd admit to.

Nothing at all? Almost every day, it seems.

What gives? Despite the obvious fact that today is Christmas Day, nobody seems to have gotten the memo. Dad just left for work. Mom's telling me that I'm going to be late for school. I forgot my algebra homework. Someone canceled at work tonight and I have to cover their shift.

Wait! I thought today was Christmas! Happy, joyous, exciting, unexpected, spine-tingling revelry of enjoying gifts and seeing what the world held for me!

But no... Today is a day just like any other, and I'm the odd one out for feeling this way. Every day. And to make matters worse, I can't take the tree down. I can't put the snow back in the sky. I can't change the songs on the radio. And I certainly can't change what the calendar says.

So I wake up feeling very certain that today is going to be a fabulous, life-changing day. And then I end the day feeling bummed and tired because it wasn't. Oh, sometimes it is. Once in a blue moon. But almost every day... It doesn't seem that way.

I can't expect every day to be super-awesome. I know that. Life just doesn't work that way. But I do wish that I could wake up feeling content with whatever the day holds instead of biting my nails day after day in a state of mental anticipation.

Or maybe the days are great, and I just can't see it. Either way, it's pretty tiring. Maybe things will be better tomorrow...

Gone For So Long...

2007-03-13T21:13:00.000-07:00

Sorry, Tank.

Apologies. I have let this blog fall into almost-nothingness.

Life has been wild. In the past months since I have blogged here, I have gotten a full-time job at the church, I have been accepted into Asbuy Theological Seminary, I turned 23, I got a girlfriend, and I lost said girlfriend. I'm coming to the realization that at this point in life, the only constant is change.

I don't like that. You know those people who say "Change is good?" I wish I could toss them off a moderately sized skyscraper. They can enjoy flying.

For a change.

However, I continue to believe that God is watching after me and guiding my steps. I've come to realize that I can never feel that in the process; I can only look back and say, "God was there."

I guess that has to be good enough. It's all I get for now... But there is grace here. I know it. I can feel it.

Everything's gonna be okay.

Does God Get Songs Stuck In His Head?

2006-11-04T12:47:00.000-08:00

So I read an article a while back that crowned "Kung-Fu Fighting" by The Village People as the song that was "Most Likely to Get Stuck in Your Head." Yep, I can definitely see that. I can hear it too...

Dang it, there it goes.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have noticed the impact that music has on my life. There are songs that express how I feel down to the letter, and when I can't find one, I'll write one. On my Xanga (visit it here), I put down a list of ten songs that "give my soul wings." As the week went on, I realized that the list was hideously incomplete. However, I won't try to remedy that here.

Lucky you.

But somehow... Music has a way of defining how we feel, lifting us up, describing our lives, and capturing the moment far better than we could do ourselves. Music is powerful.

So why? I really have no idea... All I know is that at certain moments, certain songs sum up everything that matters. They minister to me... And I just can't put my finger on exactly what does it.

However, in that, it makes total sense why we worship God through song. Songs can express life, love, adoration, sadness, longing, and many other things. Often more powerfully than words alone could.

Sometimes I flip on the radio and a song comes on that lifts me up and makes the day better... I know this is kinda weird, but hear me out.

If songs affect us, God's creation, in such a way... Can we even begin to imagine how songs (not necessarily of praise and worship, but just music in general) affect God? How we, as created and loved beings, can touch the heart of God through something so simple, profound, wonderful, and mysterious as music?

Dang. I think my head just exploded.

Thoughts?

The Ramblings of a Twenty-Something

2006-10-14T12:52:00.000-07:00

Hello, all. It has ben entirely too long since my last post, and for that I am sorry. Things have been pretty crazy in my life lately, and I've had a rough time sorting through it all. I know, I know... That's no excuse for not posting. Either way, I'm sorry.

Apologies.

So the past few weeks have made me wonder. God has a will and a plan, right? As followers of God, we should do our best to follow the road map, right? Of course. And if we stay in line with the plan, then things are peachy. And if we don't, we're...

Screwed?

Forever?

And then once we get to that state of screwed-ness, we have to bust our little tail to get back on the road. Follow the plan. Get back in the game. And until we do, we're...

Screwed?

The problem is, how do we know when we're off? Out of the plan? That's a tricky question. High school Bible class taught me that I should follow the peace of God at all times. Whatever I have peace doing, I should do.

I really don't have a peace about paying that traffic ticket I got last week...

Anyway, some things feel better than others. I feel good about grad school. I feel good about my living situation. I think God has lined things up right there, that I'm where I'm supposed to be. It's a great feeling.

Last week felt like hell. Therefore, we can conclude that last week, I was out of God's plan, right?

Wrong.

So what happened? If I'm in God's will, shouldn't life be all about gumdrops, marshmallows, fuzzy towels, Christmas Day, applesauce cake, wicked sweet guitars, and anything and everything else that makes me happy? If it is, then I really got gypped.

Man. What's Heaven's Customer Service number? I need to register a complaint...

So where did we get this idea? That trying to serve God as best as we can, follow his will as best as we can, and be good little Christians means we get to live happy, perfect lives? It sounds good. It's a great idea. In fact, it's an awesome idea. There's just one problem.

I can't find it in the Bible.

The Scriptures lead me to believe that life won't be perfect. As far as I have read, they don't mention applesauce cake once. However, they also lead me to believe that whatever I go through, God is there with me. Sometimes we feel God more than at other times. Sometimes, we have no doubt that God is standing right next to us. On the other side of that coin, sometimes we have no doubt that he isn't.

So then. Is what I feel an accurate indicator of whether or not I'm in the will of God? While they can help, I don't think it should all be based on feelings. Sometimes being in the will of God means that we buckle up, burrow down, bite the bullet, get some bruises, and be where we don't want to be.

But God wants us there... So that means that sometimes, being exactly where I'm supposed to be means that it will feel like I'm supposed to be somewhere else.

Which drives us crazy. Here we go, pulling out the road map of our lives, trying to figure out where exactly we left the Stairway to Heaven and jumped on the Highway to Hell (because that's what it feels like). Where did we go wrong? How do we make it right?

Yes, it is possible to be in the wrong. To be out of God's will. And when you are, you'll find out about it. He's that kind of God. But sometimes, we're not supposed to look at the roadmap of life. We're supposed to look at the face of God. And when we do, we don't find out the next five highways we're supposed to be on, what exits we're supposed to take, and when we need to take a break to use the restroom. When we look at God's face, we get the strength for another day. Sometimes we get more. Sometimes that's all we get.

But we never get any less.

The last month has been hell. But in the last three days, things have flown together. I know that things are right. And about that period of time when I didn't feel that way? Things were moving into place. I just needed to be patient. It takes time for things to come together. Time takes time.

"Time after sometime..."

Anyway. That gives me hope. I can't see the destination. All I can see is the journey. But that's all I need to see right now.

So that's okay.

The Futility of Xanga and What Makes Someone Great

2006-09-17T22:50:00.000-07:00

So I've got a Xanga. You're welcome to check it out if you like. Just click here. However, I've noticed something. When I post fairly deep things, the comments and eprops seem to drop off. (What exactly is an eprop, anyway? Someone answer me that.) One would think that Xangans have a natural aversion to intellectual stimulation. I once observed to a friend, "I made the little Xangans think... And it killed them."

I don't have a very high opinion of Xanga's target crowd, in case you hadn't noticed. I do have some friends on Xanga that will engage on that level, but for the most part, a random post about my goldfish dying will get more comments than a post regarding the oft-unconsidered questions of everyday life. Ah, well. Let 'em have it.

They can have my dead goldfish, too.

I copied this post from my Xanga. While it may not get comments here, I know people will at least read it, engage it, and take something from it.

(And if you don't... Don't tell me. I'd rather not know.)

*commence posting*

So I started reading philosophy again... The flavor of the month is "Fear and Trembling" by Soren Kierkegaard. In this work, Kierkegaard talks about Abraham sacrificing his son Isaac. Why did Abraham do it? What could he possibly hope to gain? What good could possibly be done for anyone at all? He is sacrificing his only son... It isn't likely that he'll have another. No one benefits by Abraham doing this. And yet... We remember Abraham and respect him. Even if the ram hadn't shown up, and God hadn't spared Isaac's life, we still would remember Abraham as a patriarch, a hero of the faith. Why? Here is what Kierkegaard says... May we learn from Abraham's example.

"No one shall be forgotten who was great in this world; but everyone was great in his own way, and everyone in proportion to the greatnesss of what he loved. For he who loved himself became great in himself, and he who loved others became great through his devotion, but he who loved God became greater than all. They shall all be remembered, but everyone became great in proportion to his expectancy. One became great through expecting the possible, another by expecting the eternal; but he who expected the impossible became greater than all. They shall be all be remembered, but everyone was great in proportion to the magnitude of what he strove with. For he who strove with the world became great by conquering the world, and he who strove with himself became great by conquering himself; but he who strove with God became greater than all. Thus there was strife upon earth: there was he who conquered everything by his own strength, and he who conquered God by his powerlessness. There was one who relied upon himself and gained everything, and one who, secure in his own strength, sacrificed everything; but greater than all was the one who believed God. There was one who was great in his strength, and one who was great in his wisdom, and one who was great in love; but greater than all was Abraham, great with that power whose strength is powerlessness, great in that wisdom whose secret is folly, great in that hope whose outward form is insanity, great in that love which is hatred of self."

MY Results

2006-09-15T19:51:00.000-07:00

Here it is... Hopefully I won't be cast out of the community.

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists.

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

82%

Emergent/Postmodern

71%

Neo orthodox

64%

Roman Catholic

50%

Classical Liberal

43%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

43%

Modern Liberal

43%

Reformed Evangelical

32%

Fundamentalist

18%

What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

Coleridge on Reading Your Flippin' Bible

2006-09-15T12:22:00.000-07:00

The following is taken from a volume of Samuel Taylor Coleridge's works, specifically Volume 6 of his Collected Works, entitled "Lay Sermons." This work is addressed to the upper class of his time, the intellects, the elders, the statesmen, the so-called "smart people." The people who have the Bible, can read the Bible, and at the same time do not. Even though written in 1816, it is still remarkably applicable today. How many people do we know that have a Bible, call themselves Christians, and rarely touch the Word of God? That describes me all too often. Here we go... Hang onto your hats, kids.

"Alas!-the main hindrance to the use of the Scriptures... lies in the notion that you are already acquainted with its contents. Something new must be presented to you, wholly new and sholly out of yourselves; for whatever is within us must be as old as the first dawn of human reason. Truths of all others the most awful and mysterious and at the same time of universal interest, are considered as so true as to lose all the powers of truth, and lie bed-ridden in the dormitory of the soul, side by side, with the most despised and exploded errors. But it should not be so with you! The pride of education, the sense of consistency should preclude the objection: for would you not be ashamed to apply it to the works of Tacitus, or of Shakespear? Above all, the rank which you hold, the influence you possess, the powers you may be called to wield, give a special unfitness to the frivolous craving for novelty. To find to contradiction in the union of old and new, to contemplate the ANCIENT OF DAYS, his words and his works, with a feeling as fresh as if they were now first springing forth at his fiat-this characterizes the minds that feel the riddle of the world and may help to unravel it! This, most of all things, will raise you above the mass of mankind, and therefore will best entitle and qualify you to guide and controul them! You say, you are already familiar with the Scriptures. With the words, perhaps, but in any other sense you might as wisely boast of your familiar acquaintance with the rays of the sun, and under that pretence turn away your eyes from the light of Heaven."

*coughs*

Um... I'm gonna go read my Bible.

The "Christian" Plague.

2006-09-04T10:27:00.000-07:00

So I was sitting with my mother at a restaurant yesterday. We were discussing TLC and various events, and I mentioned that Spence was going to be playing at a coffeeshop later this week. And Mom asked me the following question: "Is it a Christian coffeeshop?"

Normally, I wouldn't bat an eye at such a question. Not even give it a second thought. But for some reason, this stuck in my head.

A "Christian coffeeshop?"

What the deuce is that supposed to mean?

Is it for Christians only? Is it owned/operated by Christians? Will John 3:16 be stamped on my coffee mug? Will someone hand me a tract with my scone? Is it a place where the name of Jesus is lifted high? Does a church meet there? Will Benny Hinn be expertly crafting my iced caramel macchiato with extra whipped cream? Who says it's Christian anyway? Does someone just arbitrarily make these decisions?

And on the flipside, just to be fair, are there "Heathen coffeeshops?" Do the pagans have a place they can feel comfortable? Gotta be fair, ya know...

It seemed to be a silly distinction to make. True, there are Christian establishments. I'm thinking specifically of bookstores, though other places do exist. Car dealerships. Financial institutions. Consulting firms. You get the idea.

But it's just the concept that kinda bugs me. If there are Christian establishments that deserve to be patronized simply because of their religious affiliation, what logically follows?

There are non-Christian establishments that should be avoided because of a differing religious affiliation.

"Whoa, Seth, hang on. You can't mean that!"

Think about it. I used to take my car to a place called Christian Brothers Automotive. They play KXOJ in the lobby, have Christian magazines on the coffee tables, an IXOYE fish on the wall, etc. Somehow, I feel good about taking my car there because I'm putting money "back into the Kingdom."

Except for a single problem. I was putting a lot of money into the Kingdom, if you catch my drift. The repairs didn't last; the mechanics missed obvious problems. So I started taking my car to a heathen garage. And whaddaya know. Things stayed fixed. I wasn't charged rediculous sums of money for them to just take 15 minutes, look things over, and tell me what was wrong. May I highly recommend Cartec Automotive at Harvard and the BA. Those pagans do good work. They only work on domestics though; and since I now drive a VW, I had to part company with Jerry and his crew.

Jerry did recommend another sinner to me, though; and since Jerry had always been fair, and never steered me wrong, I followed his advice. My car now goes to Mike's Auto Haus. There's no Mike there; it's all done by a guy named Ralph. And if Jerry was a sinner, Ralph is a reprobate. Cusses like a sailor, has a girlie poster hanging in his garage, cracks all manner of crude jokes, and listens to classic rock all day long. It doesn't faze him in the least that I'm an ORU grad that majored in New Testament. "Sh*t, that's great, man!"

And you know something? Ralph does good work. He doesn't cost an arm and a leg. He calls it like he sees it and he tells me how it is. I feel that I can trust this guy. I'm more comfortable giving him my money than re-re-reinvesting it "into the Kingdom."

I like Ralph. He's a good man.

So why do we differentiate between "Christian" and "secular" establishments? What makes a coffeeshop "Christian," anyhow? Are they roasting Jesus beans? Does the espresso pray in tongues?

Who cares?

And if we start separating our bookstores and coffeeshops from those dirty pagans, what's next? Supermarkets? Restaurants? Gas stations? Banks? Residential areas? I get emails from Christian associations all the time urging me to boycott certain things due to certain coroporate decisions to support a certain cause. If I followed the counsel of these fellow believers, I would be boycotting Disney, Paramount, New Line Cinema, ExxonMobil, Starbucks, Wal-Mart, GM, Ford... Sheesh, I'd be boycotting the world! Which wouldn't be bad, since I can get everything I need from Christian sub-cultures anyway.

But I was commanded to go into the world. And not just that, but to preach the Gospel. And preaching takes time.

Honestly, Christians don't need the world; we can get along without "secular" things. And we take great pains to pat ourselves on the back for doing so.

But the world needs Christians. We've got something to contribute to the world. I can't deny the world a cure to a disease based solely on the assumption that they're not good enough for it. But all too many times, that's what our actions say.

So the next time you're craving a cup of joe, go buy it from your friendly neighborhood heathen. He'll appreciate your business.

Who knows... he may even appreciate you bringing Jesus into his world.

Did He Just Say What I Think He Did?

2006-08-29T21:03:00.000-07:00

So here's a question I want to pose to you all. It's a thinker, and it may not make sense right away. But hopefully it will by the time this post is over.

Where is meaning found?

I'm thinking specifically in forms of communication, such as conversing, writing, body language, semaphore, smoke signals, monks doodling on grains of rice, you get the idea. It's common knowledge that communication can be misinterpreted.

Example.

The Apostle Paul frequently exhorts his audience to greet each other with a holy kiss. A common greeting in those times, socially acceptable as a salutation or farewell. Completely platonic with no strings attached, frequently practiced between members of the same sex. No biggie at all.

Fast-forward 2000 years.

Someone today reads what Paul says, and thinks: "What a great idea! A platonic kiss is a long-lost tradition of expressing love to our brothers and sisters in Christ. I should bring it back." And so our idealistic, albeit naive, friend charges into society and begins to attempt to platonically kiss friends, starting with those of the opposite sex because it feels simpler and less awkward. Once again, let us assume that our friend has the purest of motives.

But something goes wrong. For the most part, people don't like having random kisses foisted upon them, platonic or otherwise. Particularly not if the relationship is casual, or a mere acquaintance. Rumors begin to swirl around our friend, questioning motives, whispering half-truths, and utterly thwarting any hope for reinstating this ancient custom. Dejected, defeated, and disheartened, our friend can only retreat, wondering what went wrong.

Miscommunication. Misinterpretation. Misunderstanding.

Our friend had an intended meaning. A simple kiss, a gesture of love between friends. Nothing more.

The ones being kissed had an understood meaning. This is a sign of romantic love, of something-more-than-platonic-affection. And no amount of explaining could shake this understanding.

So to the totally objective outsider... What did the kiss really mean? Who was right? Should our friend be labeled a creep? Or should the rest of society loosen up a little? Who decides what the kiss really means, the kissee or the kisser? Who's to say?

So what about the Bible? Did the Apostle Paul have a definite meaning in mind when he was dictating all those letters to churches across the Roman Empire? Is the meaning Paul intended the only possible meaning his words can have?

Or can we, reading his words thousands of years later, take something from what he said that he didn't intend to say? And if we can... Are we justified in doing so?

It may be a profound truth. It could be a deep insight.

It might also be something that Paul never meant to say. In fact, perhaps he would even be appalled if he knew that people were interpreting his letter in such a way.

Who can say?

Electriwhat?

2006-08-18T16:05:00.000-07:00

So here's the situation. (Purely hypothetical, of course.) Let's say we have someone who just graduated from college. He's got a degree in New Testment studies, but was working part-time at his church as the sound guy. The church decides to do a building project, and suddenly our New Testament major finds himself designing sound systems, mapping electrical grids, and assessing wattage loads for the upstairs youth area. Stuff he doesn't have a clue about.

The last time I cracked open my Bible, I read about Christ's sacrifice and how he counted it joy to suffer on the cross. Amazingly profound. Applicable to life.

Unfortunately for our purely hypothetical sound guy, I didn't see anything about amps, ohms, watts, receps, and the like. And the Biblical Literature classes I took certainly didn't mention it.

But our hero has a decent head on his shoulders (I hope), and he calls other people who have some clue about this stuff so he can work things out. These other people give him solid counsel, encouragement, and more than one pat on the back. They say things like, "At least you're calling people who know. You already know more than most people do anyway, but you care enough about the job to be sure it's done right. Don't be scared."

Our hero knows more about this stuff than most people do?

Scary.

Our hero also has two weeks to order, receive, and install his new gear and be ready to show it off.

So back to this whole suffering on the cross thing... Hero or not, this is over my head. But at least I know I can keep my life, which was something Christ knew he wouldn't get to do. And if I believe the writer of Hebrews, Christ joyfully took on the cross. Some people say he lost; I happen to believe that he won. Either way, he did it with joy.

Joy. The experience of gladness. Christ took on the cross with gladness. Can I take on this project, inadequate as I am, and count it joy to do this? If Christ counted the cross as joy... Pass the pencils and graph paper.

We won't know if I'm a hero until everything is ready to go and we flip the switch, but I've got grace to make it there.

Profile Pic

2006-08-16T22:34:00.000-07:00

Here is my profile pic...

Welcome To This Universal Blanket...

2006-08-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

And now... I have a blog. Yay!

More exciting stuff to follow, I'm sure. But hey, no one really expects that much out of a first post anyway.